anti zenov

2008-09-13T14:00:00.000+08:00

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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

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2008-02-21T16:43:00.002+08:00

The Tide of Change

Great! I've shifted officially to wordpress.com. Feel free to go slam the new blog =)

zenov.wordpress.com

2008-02-11T00:00:00.000+08:00

Idiot!

I spent a few hours reading up and preparing for my tutorial for Reading Visual Images on Mon, only to realize before I sleep that there won't be tutorial for the week.

NB...

2008-02-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year

haha... Just coming up for the sake of blogging...

Forecast

2008-02-05T14:26:00.000+08:00

Slack

Holiday mood getting to me.

The thought of having to go back home to accomplish family commitments made me not feel like doing work.

Whatever.

Anyways, the weather has been very nice for the past few days, that I hate to wake up for lessons!! But well... I pontanged 2 hours of lecture so far this sem. Not very good lol Gotta strive for a SAP of 3.5 and above!!!

And yah... Happy Chinese New Year in advance!

2008-02-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

Night's Out

oh... Had a normal dinner out with giam and carrotlet. Who ask that Mrs Jay only want to be with Jay? Anyways, it was a really normal dinner eating normal noodles at a very average (as in everybody also visits) shopping mall.

After all the humdrum, like me and giam pretending to be helping carrotlet choose clothes but end up chitchatting in a corner of various busy shops.

haha...

Then, they drag me to drink beer. ME leh... White as lily, pure as silicon wafer zenov wor... And carrotlet happily recommended the strongest drink he knew from the menu.

ah haha...

I feel so hot now...

Sorry if you see me at school with a flock of gals scuttling after me...

*hic*

2008-02-03T00:19:00.000+08:00

Deciphering

Realized I was a bit cryptic in my previous post. And I am always not happy at being cryptic. lol

Anyways, background of my FYP:

I am supposed to come up with a set of codes (called a model) using a program called HSPICE, to model after a new device called TFET. Since TFET is an 'upgraded' version of MOSFET (which is the common device now), I am supposed to create a sub-circuit using existing MOSFET models that will have the characteristics of TFET.

In order to do the 'fitting', I have to go through a list of 140 plus parameters of MOSFET, to see which ones, when I changed their values, will result in the MOSFET acting like TFET.

For each parameter, I will at least use 3 values. Eg, for Value N, I will test 100N, 0.01N and -N. If in some cases the values caused the program to abort, I will use like '1', '-1', '0.01', '-0.01', 10000N, 0.0001N. But on average, a parameter will be tested for 5 values.

Some parameters are inter-dependant. Like RDSW can be used alone, but RDSWG will by default take on the value of RDSW. In order to test RDSWG, I have to do all sorts of combination that will result in RDSW and RDSWG not having equal values. That combination, will on average require 25 changes.

Throughout the school holidays, I found that TOX, DTEMP, VTH, NSUB and U0 results in the final curve looking like the one I needed. Now I only needed to lower the minimum value and change the slope at certain parts of the curve.

3 weeks back, I showed my Prof my codes, he said go ahead.

3 weeks of work later, I show him my codes, he said parameters L and W should be kept constant constant and then I should test the rest of the parameters.

3 days later, after enduring 2 night of fever to complete 3 weeks of work, I showed him my work again and he said for the device we are working on, there should be a WHOLE SET of parameters that should be kept constant instead of L and W (and the other parameters I painstakingly found) that I used.

He criticized me for including the other parameters (mentioned above) as constant parameters.

For eg, NSUB has default value of 6E16, and in my code, I reduced it to 1 cos it resulted in the more desirable curve. The other prof (my examiner, who also happened to like to pass comments nonchalantly when he had no prior knowledge to the matter and also happened to come from the very powderful country of India) said:

You should have used only between 6E14 and 6E18. You should not just simply sub in a value of 1 and just forget about it. No wonder you couldn't change the slope of the curve. U0 default value is 670, you shouldn't have used 22000. You should have known all these.

He irresponsibly accused me of:

1) Not doing things systematically

2) Not taking pride in my work

3) Not having an understanding of the importance of each parameter.

But the FUCKING PROBLEM is, 1) 2) and 3) are WRONG!

I tried 6E14~6E18 and there was no change in the curve. When I changed NSUB to 1, there was a FUCKING CHANGE towards the ideal curve I want. THAT WAS THE REASON WHY NSUB=1!

This is the same as U0.

I really don't know what those 2 guys are thinking.

I really don't know.

It's either they are too intelligent for my primitive brain to follow, or I have been too affected by the secular (read: contemporary) world to understand their Nirvana state of minds.

After CA2, I tried to focus on the problem, the task at hand.

I may not be capable of dealing with research work like the rest of the 'elites' in engin, but I am trying my best. I am doing my best.

Who likes to work on such jobs, enduring 5 days of fever with minimum food and money at hand only to be chided as not being serious in work?

AND I HAVE FIVE OTHER MODULES TO WORK ON.

I am so tired of the attitude by my profs. I can't move on when they are not ready to do so.

2008-02-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hero

Been spending my week re-watching Hero on crunchyroll. Was telling this to rArAr and her beau just now. I was saying that Japs are good at bringing office politics into comedies in a way classier than how the local shows were done.

And then, I caught the 10th episode just now and it was in a DRASTICALLY different tone. Very serious and heavy.

In this case, a young guy was accused of attacking the news anchor, who falsely believed that the guy was the attacker just based on his motive. Takuya's role, Kuryu, decided to discharge the young man due to lack of evidence. When she was attacked the 2nd time and realized the guy wasn't the attacker, the police-in-charge wanted her to keep silent to save the face of everybody involved. The police cornered the young man to suicide.

The truth was out at the last scene, with Kuryu saying (with tears in his eyes) to the said policeman:

In our kind of work, it is easy for us to take a person's life. This applies to policeman, the public prosecutor and the media. With just a little bit of selfish motive, a little of carelessness, we can easily kill someone.

And the police replied:

We all want to do our best. In reality, it's impossible. They are just empty ideals.

******************************************

The incident of the show was definitely dramatized, but in everyday lives, such people do exist.

There are just so many people out there who just shirks responsibilities for their own selfish desires, disregarding the welfare of others. While I do not claim to do everything with other people's welfare in mind, I always aim not to infringe onto their right to happiness during my course of action.

Just my afterthought, since I suppose the producers of the episode would have wanted to provoke the thoughts of the viewers to question about their roles in their jobs and their roles towards other people around them, no matter how inconsequential they are to them.

Met with some irresponsible acts of another (in relation to the previous post, if anyone is curious) today and I was quite pissed off. If he who did wrong do not wish to share the responsibility, he should not push the responsibility to another.

That's what I think.

But I shall take heed of Amamiya's (the female lead role) response to the police:

Can't you work on to holding your ideals?

Yes, I will continue to work on my ideals. I will stick by my principles, do what I deem is right and face up to the consequences.

The world may misjudge me, but I will not do so unto myself.

2008-01-30T21:33:00.001+08:00

Grumbles

The title tells it all.

haiz...

Anyways, the story goes that I was hoping to finish the FYP work for next week this week. Went to see my prof... Everything was like ok. Then I showed him my code and he was like: Why you never include the L and W?

And it was another round of: 'You should have known', 'I thought you would have figured out'...

The bottomline was, I had to redo whatever I did for the past 3 weeks with the inclusion of the missing parameters.

I can see my weekend and Chu San flying away liaoz.

I didn't want to argue with him lah. No use. It's my principle: I may feel that I am wronged, but if the other party is not totally at fault too, I won't bother myself to pursue a lengthy argument. Solving the task at hand is more important.

So I'll grumble down here.

Anyways, it's unfair to say that I'm responsible for everything since it was MY FYP. But I pay thousands a year to get those professors employed. I don't care about those creative-learning, independent working shit. I paid for the service and I deserved it. One thing detestable about professors is that they like to shirk responsibilities by throwing out all those independent-learning shit.

Just like taxi companies attribute their high rental fees to rising fuel costs when they are still reaping significant profits yearly. Just like companies throwing their interns to do shit work in the name of exposure to work environment. Just like irritating drivers who think they can break all the rules in the world when they have the right of way.

haiz... This world.

2008-01-28T19:07:00.000+08:00

Crazy People SMS (Updated)

'Dinner next mon'

'Cannot, watching Kungfu Dunk Preview'

'y liddat?? Call Jay to postpone lah...'

'ok, wait. i call him... Bleah!'

'so how? wat did he say? bleah BLEAH!!'

'he say ta hen mang, only free on monday, told me to pang seh u'

'actually, i dun mind him joining us. i can ask sammi along too'

'but i mind you seeing him!'

Gals... always so possessive. zin got bf liaoz, scared of wat? dun tell me jay is gay?? *gasp!*

School STRESS!!!

2008-01-27T21:20:00.001+08:00

Therapy

Had a relapse of last week's sore throat, which triggered another bout of fever.

(As usual) That was not the point.

I was feeling all groggy and PMS when I decided to listen to sammi.

Amazing, the pain went away without me taking painkillers.

My Mi... = )

2008-01-26T15:31:00.000+08:00

Edit

Guess I mis-relayed the message bah. It was a 'big' sprain, that is, the whole leg, but it's not a crippling sprain. haha... If not I'd be left stranded on the streets liaoz.

The whole leg still feels sore today, but I can feel that no ligament was torn. No, it's not something super-devastating. It's something that will go away in a few days' time.

Thanks all for the concern ; )

2008-01-25T21:18:00.001+08:00

Back

I think I can conclude that I blog more when I'm stressed.

@--8----

Have one good news and one bad news.

Good news: I broke my 4:15 barrier and reached the same spot 30 sec earlier. Reached the 7:30 spot before Fong Seng also 30 sec earlier. Reached the 10:00 spot 60 sec faster.

Bad news: During the final sprint back, I sprained my leg.

STUPID!

It was that twisted-my-leg-while-avoiding-people moment.

And yes, I think I sprained my whole leg. My lower leg is screaming now. WTH...

I was planning to run 4 days continuously from this Sunday onwards, before I rest for the weekend at home.

I hope my leg will recover enough for a slow jog on Sunday...

Perhaps I shouldn't blame other people. It could be due to me pushing myself, that I was tired without consciously knowing it, thereby losing motor control of my legs.

ya... Although I'm short, the neuron-highway to my feet is still quite substantial...

@---8---

I got this couple keychain outside LT6. That communist just asked me for a High-5 and gave me that, and one jelly, and one kacang-puteh. While I was in the secluded room (where I wrote my previous entry), I overheard some SG-gal mocking that communist gal. haha... Don't ask me. Somehow I felt I am better at imitation lol

Anyways, this isn't my 1st couple keychain. I had one one year back. So that makes TWO pairs. But here's the catch:

I have NO ONE to give the gal-chain to.

And oh... It's that time of the year again.

My final year as a student and I have yet to show off a significant other while walking down the School Avenue, or anywhere-that-seems-to-attract-whole-darn-lot-of-attention-but-in-actual-fact-no-one-bothered-to-look.

For someone who yearns for a lot of attention, I am actually doing a lot to stay out of the limelight.

Ok lah... No one wants me in the limelight.

*sore~~*

But perhaps I should keep the gal-chain and give the guy-chain to the gal instead. You know, she has me and I have her.

Don't bother about me, I'm daydreaming (yet) again...

@---8---

Some time ago, I was telling robson that it is good that sembcorp (or some shipyard) has a scandal. It will mean people will be avoiding it and he'll have less contenders for the same position.

Few months down the road, all the banks in the world seem to be in trouble.

And yet I see no chance of getting into one.

You see, scandal is one thing, going into the red is another.

The latter means the company will be cutting costs, laying people off and manage resource by employing only the better people.

My theory will still hold, that is, less contenders for the same spot. But the banks will be better off not choosing from the smaller pool of wannabes but keep the cash for future use.

I am done for!!

I have better go and concentrate on my studies. Maybe I can get a mediocre engineering job at some god-knows-where ulu-osama-hideout industrial park.

God ah... If you know where, can hint hint?

2008-01-25T12:29:00.000+08:00

Wk2 of School

ah... Been working at rather maximum loading for the past week. With impending projects and the coming of tutorials and labs, I expect myself to die from hectic...

The reason why I can come to blog is due to a stupid reason: I came all the way to BLK EA to find a secluded spot to do my FYP stuff, only to realize that I left all my notes at my locker in Arts.

!@#$%^&*&^%$#@#$%^&*

My main activities for the past week can be roughly categeorized into:

Attending lessons (A)
FYP (A)
Working on novel (A)
Running+Working Out (A-)
Slacking (A)

haha... I think I did quite well in putting effort to do those stuff. Gotta start the engine before I can fuss about results/success.

I've been working so hard on my FYP, but it's just plain labour. Though I spent a lot of time on FYP, I had to go through 170 parameters!!! Going through the parameters do not involve just changing the value, look at the plot and noting down the results. When there are changes, I will have to try more diverse range of values to find out the range of affection. Or if some error occurs, I will hafta find out why.

Just changing those parameters individually took me 5 hours.

Next step will be trying to change 2 parameters. There will be some values that will work when 3 values are put together.

haiz...

This pig is yearning for more sleep.

I dozed off during my last lecture lol

I forced myself out of the bed, rushed to school only to find the LT for the 9am lecture empty and pitch black. If that lecturer had informed us there would be no lecture, I could have slept one hour more before going to the next lecture.

haiz...

Never mind.

God is testing me and I will go through it!

Saturday shall be All-Bed-And-Nothing-Else Day.

2008-01-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

Take A Look

Actually dunno what to say lah. I've been void of writing mood for quite some time le. I even haven't touched my novel for 2 weeks, though here and there, I generate ideas for it.

Like the Reading Visual Images that I took for the sake of the novel. Today, I learned about the significance of the body, or the lack thereof. The body is seen as the physical, in touch with the world. On the other hand, a heavily clothed (for eg.) icon is seen as without the physical form and thus represents the spiritual form.

How I interpret and adopt into my novel is this: my novel is full of guys. How I clothe them and not clothe them is easy. Those who represents the lowly, who represents desire and greed will often dress less than those who represents wisdom and ideals. Of cos, when the latter falls from grace, he will start to dress like the lowlys.

See, I can make the link.

I have yet to think of how to fit the concept of square and circle into story, though.

After a few extended lessons of driving, I have resumed to the normal 1-hr lesson. I take it as my instructor's cue that he thinks I can make it for the test, if I don't cork up. Been still doing mistakes here and there, but it's all a part of the learning process, I guess.

Like what I told vivi when I met her this afternoon (she started her lessons at the same time as me), and what I had mentioned before, I treat this course as a training to my mind and will too.

Tomorrow, I will post the applications for 2 jobs, one an engineer job, another a technician job, both at the same place. I am under-qualified for the former, and over-qualified for the latter. But those were the jobs which I can find the closest match among all those offered. I really want to work there; been keeping track of their announcements for job postings since 2 years ago. It's more of wanting to work there rather than wanting to take the job.

Is this a bad idea??

For this, I've intensified my physical training. Gotta slim down and pass my IPPT (for real) fast. But my performance has been full of ups and downs. Usually, on Mondays, I will perform badly. Last week, today... I couldn't run 2.4km at one shot. I took 30 min to finish a route I will usually take 25 min.

Like that how? How to pass IPPT??

Anyways, haven't been sleeping well for the past 2 days. Actually, one day.

Yesterday afternoon, I was napping at home in the afternoon. Then, I experienced that '鬼压身'.

For the uninitiated, it was the experience where a sleeping person felt a ghost weighing down on him. The person tries to wake up in vain, due to the 'ghost'. The scientific reason, which I believe in, was that only the conscious mind was awake but not the motor-neurons. So, when the conscious mind tries to control the motor neurons, the mind finds the body 'paralyzed' and hence the feeling of being weighed down by ghosts.

I used to hate this kind of feeling. I hate the feeling of not being able to control my body. I will go crazy if someone attempts to tie me down. I will rather die than be paralyzed neck-down.

But I think since I have experienced it quite a number of times to be less bothered by that. Amazingly, my mind also seemed to know my complacency with the feeling and decided to up the fear factor.

When it happened that afternoon, my dreamy mind played with the feeling and I dreamt that I was releasing energy to wake my motor neurons up (think Hulk growing Hulky). Like a drama, the feeling of helplessness faded from my head to my toes. But just as I relaxed, it crept back up again, giving off a hiss of sound like the deep growling of a man.

I was spooked, but it was in bright daylight, so I couldn't be bothered.

I told myself to heck care with it and go dream instead. Sure enough, after a few rounds of dreaming, I was able to move again.

But that was only part one.

I experienced it at night again, alone in my PGP room.

I couldn't remember the details, but that I was lying in a dark room being weighed down. This time round, the 'ghost' grabbed me tight and even twisted my arms back. It had such long nails that it dug deep and painfully into my back as it gripped me. The horror was unspeakable, because I could see its dark form above me. The more I struggled to break free, the deeper it dug its nails into me.

Finally, I broke free of the spell, ran out and found my mum outside the room. It was a relief to see her, but even though I was feeling neutral (don't ask me, dreams are weird), I felt obliged to release the emotions I felt earlier. Amazingly, I cried the moment I told myself to, and I showed my mum the wounds I had on my back.

I woke up then, facing up, my arms behind me, and the sky still dark.

The creepiness got to me, and I forced myself to sleep.

The thing is, in the past, when I fought to wake up, I ended up in an endless cycle of dreaming myself struggling to wake up. I will fight, command my arms to move, wake up, sit up, only to realize that was just a dream and I am still dreaming.

During the past 2 experience, I didn't fight to move my body. I just 'let it happen'. And the dream developed into a horror story.

Darn!

Speaking of it now, I'm afraid to sleep...

I realized that as much an atheist I am, when darkness falls, I also develop fears for the supernatural. And especially when my conscious mind is not in the dominant state, I am more driven by feelings of fear.

Anybody feel the same??

2008-01-17T12:37:00.000+08:00

Haiz...

Received 2 rejections from my applications together. So... it's 100% rejection now lol

The thing that made me feel not-so-good was that I wasn't even considered for interview. Wa lao... I didn't send my transcripts what, why will they reject me straight in the face? Perhaps it was the exact reason that they rejected me: No transcripts.

nah!

Whatever.

My string of unfortunate events began a few days ago.

Had a slight fever from the sudden onset of flu, dropped my hp into the drain and some other usual stuff like missing the lift or bus by just a fraction of a second... etc...

But one thing I must say is that Nokia 6300 is rather hardy. Though it went bonkers straight after its swim, with the repeated, automatic switching on and off and misting of the screen, it has been working quite normally today.

And what...?

Oh, I began to have a love-hate attitude towards driving lessons.

I dread going for lessons, cos I would have to face a lot of criticisms and scoldings from my instructor. The past lesson, there was a juncture of time when my instructor said something which brought tears to the brim of my eyes.

But with so many things at hand during driving, and having the underlying will to keep my composure, I actually managed to brush it off and continued driving calmly. Hypnotizing myself before the lesson (I SHALL BE CALM TODAY...) worked. Unlike the previous lessons, when I panicked, I managed to 'survive' the whole lesson unflustered.

Which brings me to why I love the lessons.

Very rarely in life do I face such direct reprimands. I know there were many times when I did something wrong; friends condoned my mistakes out of love and foes hoped I would continue down the slope. I knew the consequences of being a fragile strawberry, but no one gave me the chance to work towards becoming a durian.

In the past lesson, I actually managed to brush off the harsh comments by my instructor. And thanks to my bad memory, I can't actually recall what actually hurt me. All I remember was that I survived through another emotional hurt and without putting my performance at risk.

Parallel parking was ok, so was my vertical parking. My only woe was the inability to judge whether I am 'straight'. Not just the final stage of parking, but also at the initial part, where I have to park my car straight, between or beside the dividing line (depends on which type of parking) so that my car will consequently end up in the right position without hitting the poles.

Driving wise, my problem was still the inability to take in all the information and process them timely. But I must say I am improving as I get more familiar, and thus able to subject them to my 2nd layer of consciousness, with the different things I have to look out for. For example, changing gear is now ingrained in me. No more fumbles!!

arh...

Nothing else more.

I am still adapting to school term, reaching LTs on time. Unfortunately, 2 modules I am taking has students filled to the brim. And they won't have webcast, meaning the LTs will still be filled to the brim for the whole sem.

I hate it. I hate the stuffy LTs.

On the other hand, I had another module held in Engin Audi, which I suppose can hold over 200 people, but have a student take-up rate of 30-something.

Very calm and peaceful.

But the lecturer, whom I assume is a Korean, mumbles and eats his words. Same with my Engin Prof module's lecturer. But I can't blame the latter. He seemed to have a 'short tongue', which resulted him being unable to pronounce words properly. But on the 1st lecture, he showed a SUPER BORING 40-min video, of which the 1st 50% was irrelevant to the module.

haiz...

God is testing me, you see.

I will emerge a better man ; )

2008-01-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

Confessions

I slept through 2 lectures today. The 3rd one, cos 80 people were squeezed into one tutorial room, I was busy trying to contain my urge to scream and rush out of the room to pay attention to whatever was said.

2008-01-14T12:02:00.001+08:00

SCHOOL!!!!!

My last sem studying in NUS with the majority of the population. lol Is it good??

My 1st lecture, I guess is one of the 1st in NUS for the sem, is the Arts GEM module at Archi. Come to think of it, this is only my 3rd non-Sci, non-engin related module in the whole of my 4 years.

1: Real Estate Development and Investment Laws 2: French 3: Reading Visual Images.

And I took French like 2 years ago.

So imagine my excitement when I see all the gals and non-Communists around. haha... I've returned to reality!!! I'm again convinced I'm normal!! haha...

But the excitement didn't last long. I drifted off to lalaland halfway through. I suppose it was my lack of sleep + lack of coffee.

But things should get better, I suppose.

Although I don't feel confident taking a subject that's more for the artistically inclined, and that I can score a good grade, I wanted to take this for the benefit of my novel. haha... What's the link?? I can better set up the settings with better visual cues, I suppose. Just like how I ended up using stuff I learned in HR2002, I believe this will add another dimension to my novel.

= )

And thanks to the new CORS rule, I rushed back to my room to bid for my last, core module.

lol

Look at the pic below and guess what's absurd about the bidding...

YES!!!

I'm the only one bidding for a 167-vacancy module, which in Round 1A was successfully bidded by only 25 (including me) students.

haha... If I'm not mistaken, the total vacancies were at 200.

But I like small classes.

Most importantly, cos this is the last sem I'll be using CORS, I just dumped all my Program points in.

3195

When I am the ONLY ONE bidding for it.

muahaha!!!

Cheap thrill.

Actually, I came back hall last night.

I wanted to blog about something, which I ended up not doing.

I just wanted to count my blessings, that's all.

Yesterday, after I told my mum I'd be going back at night, she quickly prepared the glutinous rice meant for Monday's breakfast for me to take to school to eat.

I like her glutinous rice. Though it's not that great (I don't even know how GOOD glutinous rice should taste like), but it was enjoyable. I just ended up eating it for supper. haha...

Then stuff happened here and there; I don't feel like recounting them all.

But all I felt was some for of bliss. For a long time, I haven't had that kind of feeling. And throughout the journey back to PGP, I was actually hoping for the safety and happiness of my family. Not out of responsibility, the kind I had after my dad passed away, but truly from my heart, for no apparent reason, I was reciting that wish in my mind over and over again.

So... does anybody out there have this kind of experience? That when you wished for the best for your loved ones, you actually felt happier than when you wished for something good to happen to yourselves??

Happy School Year!!

2008-01-10T15:57:00.000+08:00

Rotting In The Library

In the hope that I may do some real work amidst the slacking. Which I did.

Spent like the past 2 days refining my job applications.

Applied to Shell and P&G. Still deciding what nice things to write for BP. I mean, for the online applications, each company has different styles and asks different questions. BP questions are so philosophical. Darn!

I tried to apply for some banks. But they are so strict. Deadline over then stop all recruitment. So I applied for their summer internships. haha... I wonder if I'm eligible, since I will stop studying after June. But on the other hand, I'll still be an NUS student, no? cos I won't be commencing until like next year.

I don't know.

Just apply and see.

When they ask, I'll just say: it's the only option I can exploit to get into your company mah... Some more you can make use of this internship to try me... At a lower cost some more leh...

And then, the banks all made disclaimers that they won't sponsor employment visas to anywhere. So mean. But I wonder if they do mean it, or it was just some way they use to deter speculative candidates.

ya...

Writing all these applications made me think and rethink my strengths and weaknesses, my achievements and such.

Tough to name.

I mean, I may be doing a lot of 'right' things in life, but those were little things.

Well...

I was writing about my contributions in CCAs. Was a little touched when I recalled these memories. ha... I didn't want to brag, as what my many friends told me -- Be yourself, such that when they do accept you, you won't need to pretend to be another person you did in interviews. But when I recounted stuff I did, I was quite impressed.

Perhaps it's self-infatuation.

I mean, who in the world now will look at LB and say, wow! zenov did this and did that. I don't know if they carried on or improved the initiatives, but one thing I know, no one remembered my contributions.

Sound so sore.

It was so coincidental that after the long period of recalling those stuff, I met James at Kent Ridge Terminal, when I was about to go Giant to buy groceries. The 1st thing that he asked me was: You not going to VAT??

VAT??

Why did he ask me that??

I don't know...

I don't even know when VAT will be held (perhaps it was that very evening bah... lol). My mind was so shagged after the brainstorming for job applications that I merely mumbled: VAT also none of my business.

Then on the bus, I realized how petty I sound.

haha... My subconscious mind always tell the truth. lol

Whatever.

I have so much school work to cope with. Between school and family commitments, the only little time I can spare I choose to spend with close friends over dinner. I can't even go for visits now.

Just as well.

It's not nice that I appear and disappear.

Even though people like Uncle Lee may not remember me, but well...

Maybe I'm finding excuses for myself.

And... Must complain.

CORS got new rule: Can only bid for 6th module in Round 3.

WHAT KIND OF STUPID RULE IS THAT?!?!

They claimed that it was to ensure that everybody have a fair chance to bid for at least 5 modules.

I don't get it.

If I need 6 modules, I GOTTA HAVE SIX FREAKING MODULES. What has that got to do with other people??

If they can't get 5 modules, it was just that they are useless in bidding, not cos other people too aggressive.

Come on, if I have to bid for 6 modules, I have to split my points into 6 parts. Those bidding for only 5 will have more points per module. The odds are actually against people like me who must bid for 6 modules.

It's so stupid.

Because of this, I have to drop one core module that I know should be free by Round 3. Then I threw all my bid points for the Arts GEM I die die must do, cos by the time I realize I have to do this, it was Round 2B and there were limited vacancies. If everything was status quo, I wouldn't need to waste so much points.

Other people won't need to waste so much points too, by fighting with me.

I think the CORS team's real motive is to force people to not save their points till final year where they can show hand and tekan new students.

Stupid people like to spoil a good system thinking they are doing good.

If it ain't broken, WHY FIX IT??

Stupid people...

2008-01-09T21:13:00.000+08:00

Improvised Dinner

Having plain cup noodles every other day is boring. Other than the fact that it provides me with a reasonable filling of the stomach at unearthly hours after I finished school, and the fact that it caps the dinner cost at $1.30, eating cup noodles isn't actually a fun thing.

Last week, an idea hit me. Perhaps I can raise the cap of the dinner cost and add fun to the boring meal (or else I'll soon give it up for more expensive alternatives). So...

Oh no no... The yogurt drink is not for adding into the cup noodles BEFORE it enters my gut. It's part of a healthy meal choice.

Thing is, the tuna is for adding into the cup noodles.

But 1st, I gotta open those stuff up.

Put the water to boil (ah budden??).

Here, there are 2 choices. Either put the tuna before putting the boiling water, or after the noodles are cooked.

I recommend the 2nd method, after trying both. You see, due to the nature of the canned tuna, the noodles will taste better if they are mixed when the noodles are almost dry (soggy). It can be done by leaving the noodles to soak up the water (and it will be come big and soft, which for most people is a No-No), or to pour the water away after cooking the noodles (noodle remains chewy).

So you see, if I put the tuna in before I pour in the water, then I can't pour the soup out.

Another advocate for pouring the soup out will be that the tuna and the soup combined will create a super concentrated sodium mix. Taste aside, this meal will end up rising the blood pressure for 3 days.

Another tip was to scoop the tuna into the noodles NOT with the little spoon provided, but with a bigger fork/spoon/noodles. This is just for convenience.

Yup, this may take some time more than the preparing the usual noodles, but it really made a plain cup noodle taste much much nicer. And of course, with the added nutrients of tuna ; )

Here are the steps again (for Nissin cup noodles):

1) Prepare boiling water

2) Open up the cup noodle and tuna while waiting for water to boil

3) Try tapping away some of the MSG (for Nissin with the soup base already inside) or leave the soup base out totally (for other brands that pack the powder separately). The tuna can more than make up the taste.

4) Pour the boiling water, filling up to barely touching the line

5) Leave for 4 minutes (for the noodles to soak up the water)

6) Pour away excess soup

7) Add in tuna

8) Stir

9) Careful: HOT!

2008-01-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

What I Did Today

I cleaned my room.

I like doing such no-brainer stuff.

I mean, apart from the initial planning, the rest was simple to carry out.

Cleaning, after all, is an easily accomplishable task, when one puts his will to start doing it.

When I'm doing such no-brainer stuff, my mind will race.

It seems as though I was dream-walking.

I was actually dreaming, then I started to clean my room.

Here and there, thoughts picked up and left.

Like how I was so pissed off with this guy in the morning.

Called and demanded me to go from my home to PGP just to let him and his friends use the kitchen.

When I refused, he gave spoke in that "You are just being mean as usual" tone.

People who know him know what I mean. That tone is so distinguishable.

But the problem is, there are some people (read: ME) who live on campus for a good reason.

I live far.

So I stay in school. And I do so for one whole week.

Sometimes two.

I spent 2 public holidays this Dec in school to do FYP.

When I'm at home, I wanna be at home.

I don't just take your call and have to go back to PGP just for you.

And I don't deserve that tone when I rejected you.

It's amazing how a 'sensitive' person can be so insensitive.

Perhaps 'sensitive' people are only sensitive to their own feelings.

That's what.

They like, they cling on to me when the others ignored them.

I was the one who bothered to go down to his room to ask him to join us for meals.

They like, they also don't bother to ask after me when they finally found people who bothered about them.

At least I have some friends who still MSN me every now and then.

They like, they call me, not to join in their outings, to introduce new friends to me, but to be their curator and open a door for them.

That was what ran through my mind while I cleaned my room.

I decided to forgive him.

He isn't even in my life or social circle now that I should be bothered by him.

And then...

Actually I spent a whole afternoon brooding over it.

Then I dismantled the 1st PC my family ever owned, took the hard disk drive out, reassembled the machine and left it in the doorway to be thrown away.

It was a mere 5GB of HDD, big in its days.

No way I will throw it away just like that.

Although I don't even remember what files I had in it.

The last I knew, I copied every of my files out.

My current PC is faulty.

It had been faulty for a year.

The motherboard battery is spoilt, so if I turned off the power supply, I will need to turn on the power supply for a good one day for the machine to be turned on.

But today, I found that the 1-yr-old DVD drive can't turn.

So does the CD-Drive.

Rotating drives, especially as delicate as for electronics, are fragile.

So fragile, they can't rotate when you leave them unused for half a year.

I intend to change the machine when I start earning my keep.

One machine that can allow me to continue playing Oblivion IV and Neverwinter Nights 2.

But this machine, it too has good memories.

Significant in its own ways.

It is as old as the house itself.

That time, we spent 1 year renovating the flat, since we can't move in any earlier.

A few months before we moved in, we got this machine assembled.

I was still in HQ 65 then.

A good friend from the unit was kind enough to help drive me in his car, to move the fragile stuff I owned, like the guitar which I eventually sold.

He helped me check what was wrong with the machine that it couldn't log on to the internet.

We left the flat without closing the windows.

I got a scolding from my sis.

But he was a very good friend at that time.

Sometimes, when one is with a good friend, any plain, unhappy things that we went through were good times.

Like how we actually got along well after we got charged together.

We didn't really speak to each other before then.

Despite being in the same unit for like 3 months.

Our unit had only 42 personnel.

On any one day, the strength was only 17.

But I was busy helping out in the stores, he was always on the road.

Good pal.

We didn't speak after I left the unit.

The last, on Pulau Tekong.

He sent me there.

My fieldpack flaps were undone.

He said, "Your father never teach you is it?"

I replied, "Excuse me."

I knew he was sorry for the slip of tongue.

We stayed silent till I reached the HQ block.

Only recently did I find him on Facebook.

Yesterday.

Did nothing, but just added him.

Through my 2nd Lifebook.

Shifting it here and there while making sure the cable stayed connected.

Was downloading stuff.

Soon after, my legs ached.

After climbing up and down to clean the niches and crooks.

A good workout.

I shifted my bed and cleared one year of dead skin cells under it.

I dipped the container that I made during one technical lesson in Sec 1 into the (dirty) soap water and gave it a bath.

I only wiped it in the past.

Till today, it's still a good choice for me to dump my pockets' stuff when I reach home.

The other stuff I ever did during my RV days, technical, or art classes, are nowhere to be found.

Some time in the course of history, they retreated from my life.

It should be the case.

If I keep everything I ever owned, I will never have a room, or a house big enough to store them.

Only some of them remain.

One item for a period of life.

Like the container.

Like the little toys that accompanied me during my lonely childhood days.

Like the names, every other ones, in my Facebook profile.

Such is life.

This is what I did today.

I went through my belongings.

And chose what to keep.

And what not.

Like I did every year.

This is what I did today.

2008-01-06T10:44:00.000+08:00

5 Steps To A Glamorous CNY

With CNY less than just 1 month away, and my body like a water-filled sponge, I need to take hold of every second towards a CNY where I can go around visiting showing off my glamorous self. Here's what I hafta do...

1) SLIM DOWN

My sis's bf bought a new OSIM weighing machine for her and it included stuff like body fat and water. Gosh... My body fat is in the RED zone, meaning I have too much fats on me. Not that it's not visible, but now, there's the super sensitive, down to 1 decimal point machine to help me check.

Since 1 Jan, I shed 0.8% of fats. To ensure that this is not just some random fluctuation (there was once when my body fat dropped 1.5% after I went to shit...), I must make sure I reduce at least another 1% throughout next week.

3 weeks later, I should shed 4% (since 1 Jan) and I should be ready for CNY

2) HAIRDRESSING

It's not cutting hair, cos I will be trimming it. It's not dyeing hair, but colour-treatment. Overall, it's the sculpting of the hair.

I will need to visit the hairdresser's after like 8 weeks of non-treatment. Had a little cash flow problem, ya see. But no matter what, I must go and do my hair before CNY (and the hikes before that). Need to colour ny hair to hide the increasingly visible white hair.

Will be going back to Chapter 2 at MS on 16 Jan. Anyone care to join??

3) NEW CLOTHES

I didn't want to buy new clothes. Or new shoes. My sis wanted me to buy a new pair of shoes at least.

But buying a pair of shoes is troublesome.

The kind of shoes that I will take a 2nd look to consider buying will ALWAYS be above $100. It's not that I purposely look for those above that price tag, but the scenario's always that I see this nice pair of shoes from afar and lo and behold! the price tag jumps into my face when I picked that pair of shoes up.

Not that I have never worn cheaper shoes (slippers aside). But those shoes never last till I got tired of them. They either disintegrate or well, disintegrate.

Still, gotta buy something. I'm also aiming for a new bag too (as usual). Similar to the sling bag I'm using now. In fact, it's the same brand. But different design. Colour scheme too.

I just want that...

4) LOOKING GOOD

I must look radiant.

Gotta start all the exfoliation stuff. I don't wanna go visiting with pimples, not even blackheads on me. And starting the routine just 1 month before may be too rushed, but it's better than nothing... lol

5) ACCUMULATE GOOD KARMA

Of cos, must accumulate good karma. Superstitions aside, being nasty to people disrupts the flow of hormones and creates wrinkles and such. Besides, it will be better to be nice to nasty people and make them feel VERY guilty for being nasty to such a nice person, ya?

That will be more haunting for a nasty person ; )

2008-01-03T14:23:00.000+08:00

Chance Meetings

Met rArAr outside the library. So she asked me to join her and her beau for lunch after that.

Just as we walked into the canteen, we spotted yang siong and his civil classmate.

Such coincidence!!

So we ended up having a lunch together.

All final year students waiting to graduate, discussing about job interviews and such.

nah... Just rambling...

2008-01-02T12:32:00.000+08:00

NewFoundland

Found a new place in Central Library to slack away.

Actually, I didn't really 'find' it; its existence was known to me more than a year ago le bah. Just that everytime I need to find a place, this position was always crowded.

Today, I wanted to find a place, a corner where I can type away. haha...

But now, considering it's the holiday season, the place is quite deserted. In fact, every single sound I made reverberated through the whole section.

Oh, the place I'm in now is at the 3rd level quiet area.

haha... 2nd day into the new year and I can't wait to change my surroundings (and blog away). lol

Below is one of the drafts that was left forgotten in the depths of my blog. Just posting for fun...

2008-01-02T11:54:00.000+08:00

Shomuni（庶务二课）

Ah... Nice show. No wonder it was made into 3 seasons. But like all shows with sequels, the original, despite its low-budget production, will always be the best.

At the time I was watching the series, I was also looking up on articles that explained how to do a good storytelling, which is to dramatize, and not explain.

I think that was what Shomuni attained.

On the surface, it struck a chord in all the white-collared workers working in Japan, but it was the dramatization of the stereotypes in the show that made the show attractive.

Which was a good thing that the show was a comedy, cos all the dramatization it made would seem absurd for a serious show.

Which was why Stephen Chow's shows, despite being kuso, managed to catch the hearts of so many people.

Beneath all the silliness lies the truth that the storyteller wanted to convey, the truth that reverberates within the hearts of the rest of the people.

I think that is the highest state of achievement for a storyteller.

Watch Shomuni on Crunchyroll

p/s: For those engin people having to take HR2002, this is a good show (especially the last episode of its 1st season) which covered all aspects of the module after mid-term: from emotions in the workplace to meaning of work ;)

2008-01-01T00:18:00.000+08:00

2008 (or rather, 2007)

I had wanted to happily proclaim this as the 100th entry of this series of blog, according to the number indicated on blogger dashboard. In the end, I had 9 entries in draft. 7 are unpublished, 2 are unpublishables. So this is actually my 91th official entry in this blog.

Too bad.

In a twist to past conventions, everyone in the family is at home for countdown (we don't actually count down, but we just stay at home), with the exception of my mum. She's at Punggol Plaza for the countdown, with our neighbours and her Taiji kakis.

For a long time, we were so afraid that she would feel lonely when we shifted to Punggol. So did she. It has been 4 years since we moved here. For the 1st 3 years, she busied herself with helping out at my aunt's. At the start of this year, after she had her 1st major fall (she's always falling, but she had a fracture that time) and persuasion from the aunties at the market, she took up Taiji for some sort of rehab.

Since then, she was having a 2nd lease of life. Like going to primary school again.

Well...

Stupid. It's that time of the year again. Of the remaining resolutions, I attained NONE. oh well...

But before I reveal my new 2008 List, I shall do a recount of my year's achievements (and failures)

Internship at CAAS

I went for a 24-week internship at Civil Aviation Authority of Singapore, Terminal 1 Airport Management Division, which is, of course, located at the Changi Airport Terminal 1 itself.

It is an organization that is a mix between the authoritarian system of a typical government organization (read: SAF) and a private entity. The former has a pro of being organized and systematic, with the pitfall of being too autocratic and sometimes mono-communicative, while the latter entails the expectations of an airport which has to compete with the rest of the world.

Work wise, the experience taught me to take pride in my work, to ask for the best, but not spend unnecessary time and resources to do an A+ work that can't be shown/appreciated/graded. Something like the wayang spirit in the army (got special guest come, must spruce up the whole place), except that we were restricted by the resources and time (limited deadline).

Emotionally, it was good for me to hold my anger. Compared to before, I was more able to smile when provoked. 'Smile first, sneak attack later' became my motto. I still go into bursts of rage, but that became more controlled. Because of this restraint, I learned to speak with hypocrisy. I learned to use beautiful words to leverage the situation to my advantage.

Professionally, I learned to be more responsible. Take for the above as eg. When I was in the army, I would rather just 'forget it' and walk off instead of fighting for myself using sweet talks. It was because 'I was only enlisted for 2.5 years, there's no need to waste my effort to fight for something I won't enjoy for more than that period'. CAAS has that 'regular comaradie' similar to that of SAF, but because I had to stay on for half a year (which amazingly was even shorter than NS), ensure I don't waste my time and money in there, I became proactive in fighting for my rights. And in the process, I learned to fight for my rights in a roundabout way.

ZZGY

Next biggest thing was of course the starting of my writing interest/career. I adopted the philosophy that 'Writing stories is more about the way the story develops', rather than the one typical chinese authors subscribes: Writing stories is about the way you flaunt your knowledge of words.

To me, bombastic words --> NO. Way off the register similes --> NO. I am not good in them, so I avoided them.

I read up and learned about other ways to tell a story, using the limited vocabs I had. I wanted to write a story that a caters to a wider variety of people, people who has less understanding of chinese words and people who are more interested in story-development.

The interest started during the 1st few weeks I was in CAAS, when Medan and I didn't have much work to do. I holed up in the corner of the office and developed the overall synopsis of the novel. I started the novel writing within my capacity and ability.

I began to spend my nights and day offs on the project. Thanks to those who wanted me to leave CSC, forgo LB, I was able to discover another interest. No more poems. Poems are too abstract, that even people with little skills can camouflage as experts, due to its small-scale. Novel writing is a big project and requires a major amount of time and effort. Right now, I view novelist with another perspective. Cos no matter how lousy their novels ended up, I knew they invested a lot of time and effort.

Right now, my story is developing well and what started off as a 5-page synopsis is well detailed to 20 plus pages. I go back every once in a while to add on to the earlier chapters. Add on new parts and edit some parts so that the writing style is more or less consistent throughout. It will be too embarrassing when someone reads the novel and proclaims: zenov's writing skills have matured throughout the novel.

Career Decision

Because of the novel writing, I began to view engineering as an even more misfit for me. For an engineering project to be successful, one has to follow a strict set of protocols. But like what I mentioned above, I can choose to avoid my weaknesses and work on my strengths and yet work towards a successful writing project. In engineering, you work on improving efficiency through 'creative thinking' by re-looking all the protocols and tweak the various elements to find the best match. In a non-engineering world, you flex your creativity by thinking differently altogether.

One thing I'm sure, I won't want to go into the engineering sector or do some work that has to work with engineers. Thank goodness I didn't choose to be an architect in the past.

Driving

I finally picked up driving. Should expect to get my license in March.

Conclusion

Amazingly, my later half of the year wasn't as fulfilling as the earlier half. Apart from academic knowledge, I gained nothing else. Perhaps a little of time management or something.

Anyways, here's my 2008 List of Resolutions which I hope to fulfill 80%.

Considering the circumstances and the addition of 2008 Resolutions, changes are made to my 24th Birthday Resolutions.

2007-12-31T00:35:00.000+08:00

FiGHT

Went out with family to buy stuff.

Went to food court to eat.

One family snatched our seats.

I forgave him, we went out.

He came after us to scold us.

I challenged him to fight it out.

I knew he wouldn't.

He was carrying his child.

Using his kid as a shield.

What a shame.

He backed off.

My adrenaline was over the top.

My personal integrity has deteriorated.

In the past, I wouldn't have bothered.

Fighting is way below me.

But in a moment of rage...

I challenged someone to a fight.

For once in my life.

I'm getting worse.

Day by day.

Next time, I may just get into a real one.

Help me...

I'm tired.

The heightened Fight or Flight mechanism was draining.

Yawnz...

I challenged someone to a fight.

p/s: 我住在红山有二十年，那里满街都是阿明、大耳窿。我们全家曾经在半夜去追打那些骚扰我们的地痞流氓。你凭什么认为我不会出手？我管你带着小孩。我不出手，我家的任何一个女人都可以让你那个瓜做superman。

我们叶家的人是不好惹的。

我们每个人都会用2007年的最后36个小时来诅咒你全家。诅咒你祖宗十八代坟墓被挖、后继无人。诅咒你儿子变强奸犯，坐牢被其他人群体鸡奸，被人阉割，跳楼分身碎骨、死无全尸。你女儿做娼做妓，得艾滋、花柳、梅毒，堕胎十次，流血不止，休克中风，七孔流血、咬舌自尽。你老婆跟人家跑路，被火车碾过。你老爸看A片兴奋过度心脏病暴发死去，你老妈被楼上丢下来的花盆砸到头破血流，被掉下来的5支竹竿插遍全身，二十分钟后才气绝身亡。你自己在office被影印机压倒脚，榨果汁机掉在你的鸡鸡启动，变成banana split，微波炉掉到你头上把你的头烤熟，碎纸机压在你身上把你的肠胃捣碎，一台电脑砸下，电线短路把你烧的灰飞烟灭。到了地狱经过十八层，煎、烤、煮、炸都让你尝尽。投胎七七四十九次做蟑螂、老鼠、蚂蚁。终于变人后投胎做难民，儿子变强奸犯。。。

放心，来我部落格的人只有小猫几只，你最多被其他10个人各诅咒一次。

2007-12-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

Equinox High Tea

My sister wanted to have a X'mas High Tea. So after spending one whole afternoon on the previous weekend, she made a booking at Equinox at Swissotel. I was quite happy, cos well... I like to go high class places. haha... What's more, with the lower air pressure, I can stuff more food in me.

No lah...

But their dress code was 'smart casual', and after searching for the meaning on inet, I decided to come up with some variant. After all, it was dorky to wear shirt and tie on a sunday afternoon in a shopping mall where people where flip flops and shorts.

Overall, it was good. The food was nice. In dishes with prawns, the prawns were big and succulent. For those who thinks eating sashimi + all the seafood defines the best deal for a buffet, please don't come. You'll feel so miserable at paying for so much for good quality food.

I wanted to just aim for the desserts. But the dessert station was a little pathetic lah. Not much. No cakes some more. And the ice cream was more of ice-slush.

The toilet was good also. Nice and clean. Dry, most importantly.

We spent a good 15 minutes taking pictures outside the restaurant. The attendants there were so nice as to offer to help us take a group photo.

CBD-scape. Actually, our skyscrapers look pathetic. Too little, too skinny, too generic-looking.

Cityscape with the setting sun

2007-12-28T22:50:00.000+08:00

《模范棒棒堂》好久没有这么好笑了。。。

The episode was super duper funny. The boys were supposed to do 相声, and as usual, they added their usual kuso flavour.

List of must-watch:

Part 1: 浩角翔起 did Hokkien tongue twister. Somewhere in the middle (front part was all the intro). Very impressive, though I do not understand or know if they were precise. After that Xiao Lu and Momo did a rather lame but still can take it item.

Part 2: 阿本 & 小马 played around with words, which they adapted from an established item. They were real smooth.

Part 3: The most idiotic and funniest of all. 鲔鱼 & 虎牙. Very atrocious. Very daring. I laughed till I sweat. MUST WATCH!!!

Part 5: 阿伟 & 威廉 free style. Very stupid. But I liked the part where they used the cow to gloss over parts that were not funny.

yup. Part 4 was lousy, so I couldn't be bothered to put it up. Especially that 王子 one. Not worth watching lol

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 5:

2007-12-27T23:22:00.000+08:00

Sianz

Why does it seem that almost everybody is attached?

Attached nevermind, why is it that they are happy together...?

*boohoo~!*

I recall an episode in the astrology show on ch49, which the lao shi commented that as a Scorpio herself, whenever she gets news of friends being attached, she'd go:

ya, you should enjoy yourself, cos your happiness won't last long.

I MUST CONFESS I have the same mentality.

muahaha!!!

Anyways, still in school at this time of the ~~day~~ night rushing to produce something for the FYP meeting tomorrow. Sucky. Nothing to produce. It's all trial and error (was supposed to research and do educated guesses) and none of the parameters I changed yielded positive results.

I hate Engin... : (

2007-12-27T11:54:00.001+08:00

Post X'mas Gloom

I'm still not feeling anywhere upbeat about life after the joyous season. Not even after meeting familiar friends and hanging out at commercial places -- things I rarely did over the past half a year -- over the hols.

Not even when my grades were up to expectations.

hmmm... Had straight Bs. A spread of B+, B, B, B-, B-. The only thing I feel very frustrated is that the B+ module only carried 3 MCs. kaoz... But getting a B for my C++ module, which I failed 2 years ago and got a C for its level one version, was quite impressive. Though if I performed well in the finals, I could have got a B+. haha... But it's all over.

I passed my internship, too. While the chances of failing one's internship is rare (though during my time there, we did cause one internship to flounder), I was still apprehensive about the final results. I mean, if anything is not impossible, it will definitely be possible to me.

Given the amount of effort that I put in this sem, plus the reassurance that 12 MCs from the internship was cleared, I am more certain I can graduate within the stipulated period.

Good.

Though the possibility of the near-impossible is still possible, at least on my part, it won't be that possible.

Whatever.

Come to think of it, apart from the internship sem, this is the 1st sem where I stayed above C. I mean, I used to have either one C and/or one fail each sem. This sem, I managed to steer clear of Cs and fails.

Which means I should aim to keep myself above B- (lower limit of resolution). I hope to have my lowest grade as B+. Even if it means all modules end up to be B+. It is still good, k?

Wrote 2 chapters of my novel for the past 2 weeks. After going through (here and there) the past 25 chapters for discrepancies and bolstering the premises. Quite glad about the outcome. But the only time I can get some slack from this current phase will be the completion of 1 more chapter (which is a heavy one) and the insertion of one more sequence.

After that, it will be the grand task of editing and... editing. After which, I shall start to write for the Singapore Writer's Festival, whose deadline should close at July. My aim is to earn fees for the publication of the first 300 pages of my novel.

yay!!!

That shall be one of my NY resolutions.

Perhaps I can start writing for that Varsity Competition first. Try my luck.

I wonder if I can send the same entry for both events??

haiz... I hate school.

Like I told xy, I was hoping to get a job that does not require me to OT. At least I could spend some time like finishing my novel or picking up some interesting hobbies. While I admit to be a slave for money, it doesn't mean I have to give up my life.

Thinking too much, too early bah.

But other than that, I don't wanna think about anything else.

Expecially those school-related.

They suck.

2007-12-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

X'mas Do No Wonders To Me

The festive season is here. The New Year is coming.

I'm feeling rather blue, I don't know why.

The idea of leaving the status of a dependant is getting to me.

I'm not like others who have scholarships/awards/CAP 5. For them, a job is guaranteed. It is just a matter of the quality of the job.

For me, I'm so afraid that the economy might burn out by the time I can work. The chances of me ended up as unemployed is higher than those abovementioned.

Then here and there, people makes demand of me.

Family thinks I spend too much. But throughout the sem, if I ever ventured out of school, it would be a personal affair. I don't spend money on all the extravaganza young people nowadays do, but they still think I spent too much on food. I admit I do spend quite a lot per meal, but I don't even own a PSP! I don't even live like a normal youngster.

Friends don't meet up and expect me to show up whenever they arranged an outing. That outing will all fall on the same day, at the same time. I always made it clear that friendship should not be uni-lateral; they shouldn't always expect me to give in to them just cos they are working and I'm NOT. It was the same when I was in NS and they were in school. I don't wanna compare who is more worn out by their lifestyles, but friendships are more than just receiving. For me, some friendships that only required me to give is taxing me out.

Profs are demanding I give results every week. Not for my degree, but for their research accomplishment. I don't care if my work may be the 1st in the world, but I'm held hostage by them with my degree. I'm pressured by others who were obsessed with keeping their CAP above 4.

Funny.

I am stressed with my life now, even though it's supposed to be time for enjoyment.

I think of my future in jobs again. It will be another rat race. If I can't endure the current one in school, what makes me suitable for the working world?

But then again, working is another affair altogether. Or is it?

I'm studying something now that I have no interest in and working with people who puts me off. But this could be the same when I go out to work. What is it that I like? What is it that can spur me to work and give results?

If I give up during study, when something similar happens during work, will I be able to tackle it? Considering that I gave up the chance to 'practice' while I'm in school.

Perhaps I'm thinking too much.

I don't know.

Why isn't there a RICH god father who will guarantee a position for me in his company? I don't mind not being the VP or MD. Just give me a small managerial post and I'll be glad. From there, I can work and prove myself. If it's not suitable for me, at least it will support me to delve into my interests.

Wishful thinking.

But then again, it's Christmas.

There don't seem to be a balance in my life and yet

2007-12-23T13:04:00.000+08:00

Road-Trip

For a family living without a car for the past 15 years, my sis' new car was the new darling. Adding to the fact that my sis need to clock mileage to send it for servicing, we were using the car (sorry to those environmentalist) even to go to Punggol Plaza 2 bus stops away.

The past Sunday, we went on a family outing, mainly on the car.

We first went to Seletar Resservoir via Yishun Ave 1. It was a road built over the dam to the reservoir. We went from Seletar Camp, past Seletar Airport before turning into the road.

The view towards inland was good, almost unbelievable, since there were like 4 to 5 country clubs fringing the reservoir. But the other side of the dam was... ermz... Well, there was a lot of ugly structures from ships and cranes along the straits.

After that, we decided to go to Kranji War Cemetery.

We went down Yishun Ave 1, cruised along Mandai Ave and then Mandai Road (which was actually one continuous road) before turning into Woodlands Road.

But my sis missed the entrance to the Cemetery (trust girls to look at maps...) and there was no way to U-turn, so off we went onto BKE, back to Mandai Road again. But since it was drizzling, we decided to give the cemetery a miss. While we were on KJE, we quickly decided our next course of action.

We finally decided to go back to PGP to have a toilet break (since it was the only place I was confident there would be clean public toilets nearby), before cruising down to Great World City for an early dinner.

The food court was revamped, with very bold colours for their tables and chairs. There were new stalls serving what I would say 'international choices'. I realize a lot of local favs like Rojak and Lor Mee were missing from a lot of new food courts. Instead, most were food sporting 'HK Delights', 'Beijing Cuisine' and 'Vietnam Food', etc.

After dinner, we quickly made our way back home to watch Star Awards.

At the end of the day, we concluded that we only didn't cover ECP, SLE and KPE for the 4-hour trip, covering more than 100km.

Main roads we covered:

Sengkang -> Jalan Kayu -> Yishun Ave 1 -> Mandai Ave -> Mandai Road -> BKE -> KPE -> PIE -> AYE -> CTE -> TPE-> Home

2007-12-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

This Friday Isn't That Good

1st, I had to do a presentation.

Ya... my prof told me he wanted to fail me, but he didn't say he wanted to carry on with the presentation.

So on Wednesday evening, when I finally found him in his office, he asked me: So when are you going to do your presentation??

kaoz...

The deadline is Friday lor. So I have to do it on Friday lah.

So began a 1.5-day of rushing for the report and presentation.

It didn't help (emotionally) that Thursday was Public Holiday. Ya... I forgot about it, so I ended up going to the canteen to find it closed. ah... Go Mac's lor.

Mac say they only open at 11am during vacation. kaoz!! No breakfast for me!!!

And I still got driving in the afternoon.

At 9am, I finally finished my dinner and the report and the powerpoint slides. Cos I still have like 16 plus hours, I decided to value add my report.

I went back to my room, changed into running gear, packed some stuff, and jogged back to engin to do simulations in the lab (the packing was for withstanding the cold lab...).

Bad idea.

When I carried the shoe bag in my right hand, my right leg cramped. When I changed hands, the other leg cramped. I ran to Fong Seng and decided to walk to engin.

I forgot to bring coins, and the vending machine that dispensed 100 Plus only accepts coins. What the... Had to beg the security to change coins...

Managed to produce plots that were good enough to see.

I don't understand why the program can only be run on those systems. I mean, Unix is such a backward system. The graphics were pixelated. The programs must be run from (case sensitive) command shells. The 'Start Menu' must be called up by right-clicking the desktop. Must click through all the folders to get to the targeted file. Must click all the way up to the root folder and then back down to the folder that houses the other file.

What's more...

The mouse has a ball AND NO WHEEL.

HSPICE is supposed to be a very hiong program. But to run it in Unix?? Machiam like asking Neo live in Buckingham Palace like that.

Then walked back to PGP (with the barung barung, I won't want to run again...).

That was about 1am.

Morning, after checking through and printing the orginals, I went to photostat the report for the 3 profs. Nabehz...

The 1st machine can't close the cover. The 2nd machine can't detect the papers in the auto-feed tray (so I ended up printing blanks). The 3rd machine was spoilt. The 4th got jammed. The 5th ran out of toner.

I changed FIVE FREAKING photocopy machines before being able to print just 4 FREAKING COPIES of my report.

The presentation itself was OK. Except the profs didn't let go of the chances to suan me for lagging. oh well...

Then had to attend the meeting.

By the time I was free, it was 6pm. I last had a meal at 10am. Poor me.

I decided to go straight back to PGP, buy a lot of junk food at the mart as dinner + supper.

And guess what?

The mart was CLOSED FOR STOCKTAKING.

Went to the cafe to buy hor fun.

But there was a group of Malay before me who placed 20 freaking orders.

I only get to eat at 7pm.

I have decided NOT to go out again for today in case more bad luck follows...

2007-12-21T20:59:00.001+08:00

剑雪

2007-12-19T22:17:00.000+08:00

Random Talk

Went to print whatever I had written for my novel, which is as of last week. 25 Chapters and 269 pages. After some edits for the past week and considering the current chapter I am working on, I have about 275 pages, at no less than 215,253 words (inclusive of contents page, chapter titles and footnotes, excluding the current chapter).

At first, I thought 275 pages was ok. Well, english novels like Da Vinci Code had more than 600 pages and 金庸 has multiple parts for one series of his story (Never read his novels before, so I don't know his page lengths). But when I printed the stuff out, 2 pages per side, printed on both sides, I was rather stunned. 70 plus pieces of paper was quite thick. Imagine them to be doubled if I printed one per page. Imagine that doubled thickness triple, at the end of the project.

Which means I may reach 900 pages of chinese words (ya, I know. I am only less than 1/3 completed, but I am busy, k?).

Wow...

I look forward to the day.

Hopefully, by that time, I would have saved enough to have it published with my own capabilities.

Which should be about 2 years from now, considering I put in as much, if not more than, the effort I put in throughout the sem. Which also means I must edit my Birthday Resolutions.

Anyways, had a last minute bomb. So after this post, I may disappear for a while. But I already have one entry in draft, so blogically, life seems to be as usual for now. But expect me to ignore phone calls and sms till at the earliest, Friday evening.

I love my life.

I have to.

It's the only one I have.

I love it.

2007-12-18T12:39:00.000+08:00

Battle of Wisdom 2

Haven't been blogging. I can't attribute it to lack of time or lack of interest. It was like a combination of both. I would rather spend my time in bed sleeping than to sit up and type.

Anyways, just ended my 2 week hiatus of the wisdom tooth extraction. I went to remove the stitches, which was over in 2 min. I tried to make my trip worth by asking the dentist funny questions like: Why is it that it hurt a lot when I lied down?

I also realize that when I am into it, I can actually be a very irritating/scary examiner, with all my funny questions.

Last week, had the 2nd part of my wisdom tooth removal, which was the removal of my lower tooth through surgery.

The whole process was quite harrowing.

First, there was the sawing of the tooth. The screech from the saw was bone-chilling and the vibrations it made in my head was also scary.

Then, there was the battle between wisdom and skills. The dentist was trying very hard to remove the tooth fragments, by breaking it, tugging at it and pulling it. Some pain was felt, but it was the feeling of the pressure, the struggle within my mouth that was terrifying.

Of course, it was triumph over wisdom for the dentist with his expertise.

During the process, my mouth was stretched to the limit, with the dentist and the assistant trying super hard to pry my mouth to open even wider. I guess I looked like a snake attempting to swallow an elephant bah. But it was painful, cos my lips weren't exactly numbed. During and after the surgery, the corner of my lips felt like cracked lips under the winter wind.

Anyways, I didn't quite follow all the food-restrictions offered by my friends. In fact, the dentist made no special advice to my eating habits for the coming week, except to ensure my oral hygiene to prevent infection.

So by the 2nd day, I was eating fish and chips for dinner. For the past weekend, I ate Thai food with my family and later, Sweet and Sour fish. I realized I kept mainly to fish, cos of my preference.

You see, even though my wound didn't cause me much pain, it does hurt a lot when 1) I chew on hard food 2) I chew on very chewy food 3) I opened my mouth too wide to take in the food.

Fish was soft, non-chewy and can be cut into very small pieces for consumption, which was a very good choice for people like me.

As an advice for 1st-day post-surgery, I suggest eating solid food rather than drinking soup (water is passable). For solid food, it was easy to control where the food will pass through during the swallowing process, but for liquid, it tend to just flood the whole mouth. And especially for soup, with all the salt and what-nots in it, it was VERY VERY VERY painful to consume.

Of cos, the solid food still has to be something that avoids the 1st 3 scenarios. In fact, I find the worst choice to be bread. It was so chewy that I was put off by the pain after the first bite.

Considering how I didn't restrain myself much on food, it seemed that my plan to slim down was done for. But one thing good that came out of this was that I actually couldn't take as much food at one go as before. Thanks to all the soup/porridge/light meals.

For this festive season, if one is worried about gaining weight, going for a wisdom tooth surgery is actually a good idea ; )

2007-12-14T16:38:00.001+08:00

T3 Openhouse

I reserved my 1st free day after exams for a family outing to... T3! I just wanted to go and take a look when the terminal is all lit up and sorta running, and also bringing my family in to the soon-to-be restricted area.

When I was in CAAS, I went to T3 a few times with my boss, mostly to bring contractors there for a site visit and to do site-visit ourselves to prepare for trial flights.

When I went there, it was mostly still under contruction/renovation.

We would go through the catwalk on top of the MRT station from T2 to T3, and instead of the presently-available route from the station to the terminal, we would go out where we would be exposed to the construction elements and climb into the building amidst the scaffoldings and board-ups; which was why we had to be in safety gear while in there.

And inside T3, all shops were still empty/under renovation. In fact, the flooring was not completed the last time I was there. And cos we went during the day, the terminal was mainly naturally lit. In fact, I don't remember seeing a single lit-bulb while I was in there.

And due to the renovation going on, and the turning on of the aircon, the PSI there was terrible. Although T3's building principle was clarity, where one can actually see the South pier from the North pier, visibility was not ideal at that point of time. I would be grateful if I can see the other end of the transit hall.

Anyways, that was why I wanted to go for the openhouse, since it would be the time when the pollution was low, all lightings were up and most facilities were running.

We split into 2 cars, my sis and my sis's bf's. Me and my sis reached there 1st, cos the other car had to go fetch my mum from my aunt's. We shopped around the heavily-touted B2 mall. And guess what our 1st place of shopping was?

Not that clear, but the logo should be obvious enough

It was as if we didn't have enough of it at Vivo City...

The mall was like 70% opened, and I admire the operator's will to open only for this month for the openhouse. Then they will have to close shop again for another month before the terminal welcomes its 1st flight.

Anyways, I made the others take the guided tour. For me, going free and easy was ok, since I knew all the airport-lingos and 'must-see'. But we might as well go and get ourselves a guide. Got free Newater to drink also leh...

The tickets and brochures

Before we went in, my sis was like asking me if I would be the guide had I been interning there for this sem. I told her: No. I would be the one standing by the door, punching holes in the tickets. There is no point employing expensive part-timers to do those kind of simple jobs.

And I was RIGHT.

The feel of the transit mall was like T2 in general, except it was more brightly lit. Having hanged around at T2, I realized T2's transit mall was heavily 'darkened', to induce the feel of cosiness one would have felt in a hotel. T1 had similar construct to T2 (the mall nearer to customs had low ceilings), but it was brightly (artificially) lit instead. For T3, it was brightly lit through its very-expensive skylights.

I actually liked its transit mall, cos it had a feel of a shopping avenue one gets to see in western countries. You know, shops lining a very generously wide street that is void of cars. And I like the carpet, cos they remind me of marble cakes... yum! Except that I can't really differentiate the different carpets they used around the terminal.

People complain of the sunshades. I think they should complain about the sun instead.

I can't understand why kids love playing with pools of water (think: Vivo City), which could have accumulated tonnes of germs from other people's hands/feet.

I like this fountain/waterfall. It's a concrete waterfall. A modern waterfall. A Matrix-like waterfall.

I guess one of the plus of the terminal was the ability to have such big sign posts, just like in the Western countries.

And what is a tour without me with a landmark? Behind is the UFO (yet another one in sg) of T3.

Looking down into the Departure Hall

The passage around the UFO.

The central monument of T3 transit mall: A central resting place after the customs. My sis thought the fountain looked like a tortoise. Which is good, cos tortoise == long life.

The shopping avenue of the transit mall, viewed from the 4th storey of the public area. Those 'pavements' for the wheelbarrows of renovators will be removed by next month. But I thought that from here, they made the place looked like my SimCity screenshot.

Model of interior of T3

The Skytrain terminal. The building outside on the right is the airport hotel.

T1 from Skytrain. Such a shot was impossible in the past (unless I am the President and owns a helicopter).

After we wandered around enough, we went to T2 for dinner at Breeks!. I though the place served nice, cheap food. Cheapest among the similar-graded restaurants in T2, but with nicer food.

My sumptous meal before operation

After the dinner, it was home. And my sis got lost in the carpark, cos we exited and found ourselves facing a dead end! Actually, I find the carpark design not very intuitive to first-timers.

2007-12-13T15:04:00.000+08:00

Today Is A Sunny Day

I'm gonna count my blessings today, after all the blue-ish days.

Had my driving lesson again just now, and like I'd said, I had problems doing the parallel parking, cos I had a hard time judging my distance from the poles. Well, today, I did the parking 3 times and there was not a single time when I knocked (or even touched) the poles!! Except for once when I need to straighten my car, and my mind sort of hang-ed for a while, I didn't get any scolding from my instructor (wrt parallel parking ONLY).

I also went to pester my prof. After what happened on Mon, I was so apprehensive about seeing him. I paused before I went into the corridor and paused again before I knocked onto his door. I really didn't know what was OK to ask of him, since I've always been a No Problem kid. I spent my whole journey to and from driving lessons conjuring up questions that don't sound like I was only seeing him for the sake of seeing him.

All was peaceful, I would say. He offered me some advice too. Though I couldn't really make any sense out of them (my mind was always in a slow-mode after driving). Anyways, I was just glad that things didn't turn ugly or what.

Then, on my way back, on A2, I overheard this conversation between 2 PRC women. Apparently one of them is visiting the other, cos the 2nd one was introducing everything about NUS and NUH. Then, she was like praising NUH for being very nice, much better than China's.

It was actually the 1st time I heard something good about sg from PRCs.

But then, perhaps she was praising it put of courtesy bah, considering how the chinese like to 'hide their true feelings' about anything towards 'outside' people.

Anyways, except for the daunting heat, I feel like this is a good day in recent history. I hope it continues till the strike of midnight.

Well, I must also thank giam for being the 1st person to hear me out. Right after I was scolded, I met her and she willingly heard me out, allowing me to ventilate instead of cooping everything up.

Then also LF and rArAr, whose presence was good for my after-trauma therapy. I evaluated and evaluated my situation again and was more able to put my resolve forward.

Thanks ;)

2007-12-10T21:27:00.000+08:00

我不快乐

今天，被教授惨批了一顿。不是他硬拉我去见他的，而是我自己去自首的。

虽然我从考试前就已经想好辩词，但是在那一刻，我没有把它们说出来。说了反而显得我在狡辩，死不改悔。

到头来当局者迷，说不定我的确没有任何辩护的余地。

我不要一味地辩护，迷失了方向。倘若我真的是错得令人发指，我至少还有下台的阶梯。

本来还以为重新再来，从最基本的问他一遍，就能抓紧时间来赶出一份报告。换来的就是无情的批判。

这种最基本的事，那个中国人早在第一个礼拜解决了；你要是有廉耻心，要是有上进心，你就会自己去做研究找出来了；你的态度让我看不下去，我根本不想帮你！

我还真的从来没有被一个人为了一件我没有兴趣做的事骂得这么惨。要是以前，要不是这是一件我不得不做的事，我早就回嘴了。

我忍住悲愤，我吞下自尊，我谦虚地退下。因为我知道，就算这次的评比我真的无法挽回，我还有一个学期的时间要跟他（们）相处，要靠他来给我指导完成这项计划。假装谦卑，假装卑微；退一步，海阔天空。

为了能够顺利拿到一个我根本没有兴趣得到的文凭，我忍气吞声。

我知道我有错。我知道我不对。

为什么我的人生总是被夹在最让我痛苦的角落呢？

2007-12-06T18:43:00.000+08:00

Updates

Haven't been updating.

Not that I was busy with my exams (of which my last paper ends tmr 1pm *yay!!*), but I was busy slacking.

eh hehe...

I had another paper on the past Monday and it was like... well... I was late, cos I didn't realize my watch was slow by 10 min. But it was OK. I had enough time to go through the questions I couldn't answer (which I still could not answer).

Then, it was a series of days where I gave myself all sorts of excuses to just watch Shomuni and sleep.

During my driving lesson yesterday, my instructor said I improved on my U-turn and parallel parking.

But I couldn't agree.

For one, while on the road, my car kept 'jumping', cos I didn't time the release of the clutch well.

Secondly, I still have this BIG problem of judging distances.

I can't decide whether a car is far enough for me to start turning and I can't judge if I was going to knock into the poles, front and back. Of course, the reason why I'm stuck at practising these 2 items was cos of my inability to judge distances. For the parking, I could never succeed into parking, without knocking into the poles, without some advise (given or asked) from my instructor. And I can't judge whether the car was straight a not.

lol I didn't even know if the car was male or female. Just kidding.

Is there something wrong with my cognitive brain?

But well... something bigger happened this week.

I had one of my wisdom tooth extracted.

You see, I was BURSTING with wisdom, with 3 of them all vying for the very cramped (though vast) space in my head. The one at the top right was OK, but not the duo on the left.

The lower one, as the X-ray showed, was growing horizontally and squeezing at my molar (I call it my Lazy Wisdom). It was this tooth, which was 2/3 hidden beneath the gum that started all the trouble.

Food got stuck between the tooth and the gum above it (something like shoving a door stopper) and caused inflammation. The pain was so great that I didn't even realize that I didn't clear all the food stuck there (cos the dentist spotted and used that very pointed tool to pick it out the very 1st thing I opened my mouth).

And the inflammation was aggravated, when my top wisdom tooth kept biting on the gum when I closed my mouth.

So the solution that the dentist gave me was: extract the top one that day (Tuesday), so that it will set the condition right to remove the bottom one through surgery after the inflammation (and my exams) is over.

You know, all along I thought removing the top and bottom tooth was the SAME, until he really started extracting the top one, literally. (拔牙. It's called 拔牙，you know).

I mean, he just numbed my top left gum, got a pair of dental pliers and started pulling the deep-rooted wisdom tooth out with all his might.

There was this pinching pain deep in my head, but nothing to render more than a wince in the face. But I could clearly hear the tooth dislodge and tear away from my gum, sounding like the shaving of the ice, or the filing of the wood. It was a nerve-wrecking sound to hear (and feel) anyway.

I was glad it was over quite soon, perhaps in 10 sec. I was VERY glad that the dentist was very steady. He didn't twist here twist there, like we'll do when we try to pry out a tough nail, but forcefully, applying constant, uni-directional force to get the tooth out.

I was still quite shaken about it.

He quickly stuffed the gauze in me, which promptly drew my whimper of pain, cos in the process of biting the gauze, I was pressing the rough, tough object on the area of inflammation, the lower gum that was not numbed.

So the dentist just helped me numbed the lower part, with the top wound still gushing with blood he had to vacuum my mouth constantly.

It was then I realized how serious the inflammation was. The injection of the top gum was barely felt, but the injection to my lower gum coaxed 2 big droplets of tears out of me.

I asked more for anesthetics for the lower gum, which I soon regretted. Half of my tongue went numb, which went the same for my cheek. The numbness didn't go until like... This afternoon.

The dentist asked if I wanted to keep the wisdom tooth, but I rejected. It was decaying anyway (which was a good thing I removed it too) and I can't keep it for long (more likely I will throw it away as the smell would be too much for me to take).

I guess that also explained my foul breath recently (in addition to the rotting food in the gum... yucks!).

Indeed, my mouth PSI has been at a reasonable state for the past 2 days.

Next week's the surgery. Like I mentioned (or what the dentist told me), it will be different. This week involved only a 10-sec extraction. Next week, it would be a 1-hr surgery, where he will cut open my gum and break (I suppose with the spine-chilling saw) the tooth into 4 parts before sealing everything back.

I can't imagine how I will react. In fact, I have plans to pontang the appointment.

Pray for me for next week's surgery.

Trivia: If I have ONE wisdom tooth, do I have THREE wisdom tooths or teeth??

2007-12-02T22:02:00.001+08:00

Miss World (More)

Latest crowned Miss World is from China. But I must say she's darn pretty.

She has the best of Zhang Ziyi (eyes) and Shu Qi (Mouth). And indeed, after viewing the pix of the event, I think she deserves it.

I saw one contestant who was FAT. What happened to the standards?

But then, Miss China don't look China at all. She looked more like an ABC, more mixed blood. She looked Singaporean more than Chinese. In fact, she reminded me of a certain someone.

And 2nd runner up looked like Hilda from Ugly Betty. You know, Betty's sister. But again, most mexican women look the same, no?

By the way, Miss Korea looked HORRIBLE. She machiam like just released from IMH.

Went through the Miss World website. Below are the 3 pix of Miss China. I said she looked Singaporean le. See? This looks like Sharon Au! Sharon Au can join Miss World!!!

This one then looks like Zhang Ziyi

This one (above) looks like Lin You Jia (below) ! ! !

Miss Thailand; I think 志玲姐姐 wore this dress before.

Actually, I noticed something and I went to check, not all, but the pictures of those contestants who supposedly come from countries with acclaimed fashion and stuff. And I realized that the pictures of Miss USA, Miss England, Miss France and Miss Italy were let downs.

In fact, other than Miss China and Miss Japan, most pictures put up were bland. Not a lot of lighting was used; background was so-so. Even Miss Thailand wore something fashionable. Those ang moh pix looked like they were posing for Playboy (not to say I read it before). Miss China's pic was more artistic and pleasing to the eye? Didn't it?

I mean, look at the Miss China's pix I posted. 1st one was a Salon Pic, yet it wasn't over-exposed, or softened. 2nd pic was softened and looked bright. 3rd pic made use of shadows and darkness to accentuate her features. Just look randomly at other pix and you can see the difference.

It made me wonder: Was it because I am conditioned to the East Asian fashion and their photography, or was it really true that our techniques have surpassed the West, who were supposed to hold world standards?

This is Miss Vietnam, but I think she looks like my Thai tutor

Next up are some of the disasters in the pageant. It made me wonder why they got in... Or whether the countries' support team was bribed.

This is Miss HK and she looks like 芙蓉姐姐!

Last, I'll make some comments on Miss Singapore (and Miss Malaysia while I'm at it).

They don't look like Singaporean/Malaysian at all. Like I said, Miss China looked more Singaporean than Miss Singaporean herself, cos well, our representative is some Eurasian. And she DON'T LOOK PRETTY AT ALL. Why was a Eurasian chosen when Sg is most represented by chinese? I can go Orchard Road and pick someone (not necessary chinese, but sg-ean) and she'll look better than our rep. SADz...

2007-12-01T10:03:00.000+08:00

The Meaning of Double Faced

Gotta ventilate before I pounce on this guy the next time I see him.

Well, this guy is a colleague, who happens to be a friend of friend.

I already found his attitude wanting during our meetings for work. I attributed to him being focused on work. You know, how people did not realize they looked like they were inviting punches to their faces when they get engrossed.

In fact, at other times when I met him while I was with the common friend, this guy, QG, was friendly and warm. He talked to me and asked me stuff, unlike his attitude at work.

However, a few times around NUS, when I met him, he ALWAYS pretended not to see me.

Not even when we were like within a metre from each other!

Some time in the past week, we met in a confined space. The aisle we met was less than 2 metres wide, brightly lit, and there were just the 2 of us since it was a restricted area.

This guy, QG, just brushed past me without even acknowledging my attempt to say 'Hi'.

I si beh du lan with such a guy!

Why does such a guy exist?

Why did he do what he did?

I mean, I didn't even interact a lot with him during our meetings to render such cold responses! And I supposed one would be kind to another when they have common friends (which in this case, he did, in front of the common friend). What good does he derive when he acts in such a way? Being nice to me in front of familiar faces and being so dao on other occasions?

He is such a fako, a hypocrite!

The common friend is an old friend of mine, but we haven't been keeping in touch since time immemorial. On the other hand, QG was close to the friend since they entered NUS. So it was really impossible that I tell the old friend about the hypocrisy of QG.

In fact, I bet QG, building on their close ties, would have peppered the friend with undue comments about me!

I won't be surprised if he did that!

QG 是个大发哥 ~!~!

2007-11-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

下流社会

元卫觉醒的新专辑《下流社会》即将在12月21日推出啦！！

叶 ~！~！ . . . . . . . . . . . .

等了两年半终于等到了他们的新专辑。试听了同名主打，欸。。。有一点怪。也许是在线的问题，也许他们的风格和《幸福下载》专辑有一点改变。看了Capitol为他们新专辑发布的新闻，了解了一下曲目，发现其他的歌也同《下流社会》一样有同一种社会探讨的主题。哎呀。。。管他叻！好听就好！

有空可以去一下www.下流社会.com，是Capitol为他们的新专辑立的网站。在那里也可以试听《下流社会》。

p/s：我的部落格怎么越来越下流？不是电子配件在交配，就是有男生的露股露骨照？？爱你喂，卫斯理比是元介还聪明；是元介露的股沟不只比他多，他还‘放半粒’，露了半个葡萄！！

2007-11-30T19:48:00.000+08:00

E-Porn

*Warning: May contain crude words...

Actually, porn in the electronic version is not a novelty. For as long as inet existed for the masses, conventional porn has been ported over.

But well, this is a word-fault.

Take a Digital Lock for example. Back in the army, my colleague and I were very amazed when we saw it at the canteen mama-shop. So much so we bought one (actually, I needed one) and guess what? It was the kind of lock that where you have a password in numbers and depress those numbers in the lock to open that.

So much for the digital age.

The porn I'm showing here is along the same line.

I wonder why people bothered to make such porn...

The girl has too little resistance in on her...

The guy at the back is gonna have back problems in the future...

Tammy video resurfaced...

4P... Pico Farads... If they have the potential, their heads and boobs will light up...

I always hear from TW variety shows that girls like their boobies pink...

2007-11-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

Screwed

Both papers today... Gone... Situation might have been better if the papers' timings were switched.

The problem is, for my 1st paper, I wasn't that confident. I gave up on the 1st half, cos the part was on Fourier Transforms with lotsa maths and funny conversions in between the time and frequency domains. In fact, I completed 80% of Part 2, but 20% of Part 1.

Then, I had C++ in the evening. Come to think of it, the problems were OK. Given some time and concentration, I would be able to perform as well as my mid-term.

Problem was, my concentration energy was sapped by the 1st paper and I had mental-jam for the 1st hr of C++. I mean, it wasn't as though I was seeing blank. My mind would go through the procedures and halfway through, I lost my train of thoughts and I had to restart. So I spent my 1st hr doing the 15 MCQ questions, which were like 30% of the paper only.

Then, I wasted nearly half an hour doing one part of the open-ended question. But that question managed to 'turn on the tap' to my Concentration Power Reserve and for the remaining half an hour, I sped through 3 questions (in fact, I completed the hash problem in 5min). I still had 2 questions empty. But I suppose I can pass the paper.

Just that I felt I wasted all my effort in scoring the mid-terms.

Here, I must say sorry to Weijian. haha... eh... I lied to you when I said my Practical Exam was within the average Uncle Soo announced, cos I didn't want to dampen your morale. My score was actually 50% more than the average.

And I felt my results for the mid term was quite good also. If not better, it should also fall in the average zone.

Darn that I screwed up everything in the finals... haiz...

Anyways, our C++ lecturer, being a newbie, was very siao on. He answered everyone's questions in the forum and put up irrelevant stuff to entertain us. eh... I think he is the epitome of 宅男. Still... sharing what he posted on the forum.

LiFe iN uNiVeRSiTy

New school semester:-

At the first week:-

At the second week:-

Before the mid-term test:-

During the mid-term test:-

Mid-term break:-

Before the final exam:-

Once you know the exam schedule:-

7 days before final exam:-

6 days before final exam:-

5 days before final exam:-

4 days before final exam:-

3 days before final exam:-

2 days before final exam:-

Day before final exams:-

Night before final exams:-

Last hour before final exams:-

During the final exams:-

Once you walk out of exam hall:-

Holidays!:-

2007-11-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

Sunday Review 2007 11 25

Just some update. But not a lot, cos well... it's the mugging season and I've been doing nothing but mugging.

Had my 1st paper on the past Thursday. I think it was the 1st time in 1 year that I used my brain so intensively. Didn't feel I performed well. It wasn't that I didn't prepare well; given the nature of the questions, such papers are chicken feed. However, the key words here are 'in the past'.

I just felt that I couldn't really think as well as before. Guess the 1 sem of internship plus 1 sem of slacking had its toll on me.

Then, met rArAr yesterday. Just bumped into each other while I was out of library for a break. As usual, we talked some serious and none serious stuff. She said she thought my blog was getting serious, in the sense that she felt that I am stressed.

Ya lah, I was quite stressed the week before my birthday, and the emotions took some time to subside. Other than that, I am quite ok.

oh... Don't know why, but there has been some very negative news appearing on the paper lately.

There was a wire hanging loose from an overhead bridge and this biker and her gf went through it. His gf said his throat was sliced opened and she could see his windpipe. She must have been super scared, after surviving the fall with only bruises and yet see such a scary stuff. But he didn't die. The doctors opened a hole under the cut to help him breathe while his wounds healed. So Final Destination. And it happened in sg too. NO WAY I'm ever going to ride a motor bike!!

The news appeared on 20 Nov ST. Don't believe go check. And just a few days before that, there was a news of this guy whose legs were crushed by this machine. He lost 1 leg, and the other was paralyzed. Also in sg.

Just last Friday, the sg's Dragon Boat Team went under at Cambodia. Five missing. Like that how? Lucky not the whole team MIA... All the taxpayer's money go down the Cambodian river...

But well... If accidents can be pre-empted, they won't be called accidents. Who would have thought a wire from the bridge 4.5m above could hang so low? It was supposed to be the wire for the lightning conductor, which meant that the whole stretch must have broken loose for it to hang that low. Who would want to put their legs into the compactor? Even if it might have been the guy's fault (maybe he was too tired or something), it was still an accident that no one expected would happen? And who would expect something as heavy as a dragon boat could capsize in a river?And some more they completed the race already, and were preparing to disembark. So near yet so far.

That's life bah.

Learned about personality in the HR module. There was one topic which I could not really agree on. It's about classifying people into 2 kinds: Internalizer and Externalizer.

According to the module, Internalizers believe they are the one in control of their lives. Externalizers believe in things are beyond their control, and believes in God.

The one who invented this must have been an atheist or a religious one. How can it be that people who don't believe they are in control of their lives be believing in God? It's like saying people who don't smoke are scaredy cats.

I mean, as an Externalizer myself, I scored 14/30 with 30 being the most extreme Internalizer, I don't believe in God.

However, I believe that the world is complex. One thing I can think of was the Chaos Theory I read in Jurassic Park. A drop of water on the hand will flow differently every time. It could be due to difference in atmospheric pressure, a difference in the way the hand was held or even how the blood was flowing underneath the the skin. But the point is that for something to happen, there are one thousand and one things that have to occur, concurrently, preceding and anticipating it.

You can say that by following a certain set of rules, this thing happens. Like if you drop a ball, it will fall with a = 9.8m/s^2. However 1) the rule is such that it follows Newton's 1st Law, where there should be no external forces acting on the ball, ie the ball is in a closed system. 2) No such thing as a real closed system can happen on Earth. 3) Even elsewhere, the forces of sub-atomic particles will affect the value by femtons. 4) Even in deep space, there is still Dark Matter 5) Remove DM and you have Dark Energy 5) There could be parallel universes affecting the result.

But we can still safely say that the value will be about 9.8m/s^2, or rather, the possibility that the value will be about 9.8 is high.

So it means that going through the education system's best schools isn't going to land you in the good jobs. Having the best grades won't guarantee my place in some MNC. It can just happen that at the time of interview, there was another contender who had CAP 0.01 higher than yours. Or well, you may forget to pick your teeth before going into the interviewing room.

What I'm trying to say is, Externalizers do not believe in God; I respect the complexity of the world, of the stuff that make up the world that I live in. I still believe in equations, whereby now, it's the interactions between various events that make up the variables of the equations.

Generalizing people who see the big picture as people who believe in God is a stupid thought. It's not as though there is God and No God in this world.

And speaking of God, there's a flurry of discussion in ST Forum, when this doctor wrote to complain about a community hospital where he sent his patient to. His patient told him that throughout her stay there, there would be people everyday visiting her and asking her to convert. And she's an old lady for goodness sake! She eventually converted, after she had a near-death accident. According to the doctor, he was unhappy that the Christians, under the name of giving care, took advantage of the situation and tried to convert people when they were the most vulnerable.

This is another example of religion gone bad. I BET the very 1st persons who set up clinics and hospitals in the name of God did so to give care to people and not convert people to their religion.

For those people who only have 'Convert them into Christians' thoughts in their minds every time they meet somebody, please think of George Bush enforcing the will of America on the Middle East countries (or some other places). For those thinking of asking their spouses to convert to their religion in the name of Love, think of George Bush as saying: You want USA's money? Show me your sincerity! Show that you love me! Listen to me and follow what I say!

Is it really love when there's God in between?

What an orgy!

2007-11-23T17:48:00.000+08:00

More Birthday Ranting

People have 12 days of X'mas... So I declare myself to have 12 days of Birthday lor. Anyways, the day went past so peacefully and quickly, that I felt I really deserved an extended one.

hmmm...

Bought myself 2 presents on Tuesday; some stuff from the wish list. One is the look-branded wallet and the other a cap!!

The wallet was something that I wanted, except that it was $30 cheaper than the one listed in the wish list, cos I bought it at some cart shop in West Mall. Maybe the quality will really be more inferior, like it won't last more than one year or something, but I found this one looking better than the expensive one ;)

Some more it has a look-like-Polo-Ralph logo. haha...

And the cap... I don't know why. When I bought it, I thought it was quite acceptable. However, 4 days from then, when I wear that thing, it looked stupendously SMALL on my head. arggghhhh!!! I think my face has been puffy for the past few days...

But I think, apart from my puffed up face, the cap is good, cos I will be able to match it with most of the clothes I have, which makes it quite handy. So... time to shed some weight...

After last Saturday's dinner, I reached my room and felt rather good, so I took a pic of myself. Nothing much. I mean, since Year 2, I must have taken like 10,000 self pix that I'm a little tired of it; My face still looks almost the same, not to mention that it is bigger than what it was 2 years back lol

So the only incentive for taking more self pic would be like when I buy a new accessory, have a new, never-had-before hair cut or I'm in a place I have never been to and find it worth to take pic with it, or with a person I've never taken pic before and won't mind taking with.

Else...

After Birthday Celebration

I guess some people knew what happened over the preceding week to my birthday. Was quite disgusting. I grew, I think. I performed better than I would in the past, keeping my temper on hold, keeping a hypocritic, agreeable face 90% of the time.

For the 10% of the time, it happened 1 day before my birthday, and it was a catalyst to the end of the project.

I don't know; some how my original, kiam pa, demanding, unreasonable self was more useful for me to get things done.

Birthday's 1st Meal and Lunch

Anyway, I worked till my birthday morning, ie 12am, skipping dinner the day before. So I had a sandwich and salad from this snack bar in PGP. Quite nice, quite worth it (compared to Cheers). And then, for lunch, I had the best of the worst choices, a bland-tasting black pepper chicken rice.

Quite sucky, but what to do? My breakfast was cup noodles, cos I had to rush to the meeting and lunch was at 3pm. No choice. I couldn't wait till the dinner treat...

Mugging arsenal

Quite some time ago, when I mugged overnight in between LT 1 and LT 2. Had an arsenal of calories to help keep me going. But well... Food is sinful lol

Had to take the pic a few times to get everything in. At the same time, I was afraid that too much things will get into the pic, in the dead of the night some more...

What I'm supposed to do in lab

Above is what I did for one of my motor labs. haha... No, I didn't build that machine. EE labs are simple, we don't need to build machines; we build circuits. So one of our tasks was to connect all those tangling wires in between the points on the big machine. So it was like: Manual say A-B-C to 1-2-3, then find 3 wires to connect the points labeled on the machine lor.

And the wires we use... Unlike the wires with crocodile clips we had back in secondary school. It was 'plug and play', and one plug can be plugged into the back of another, so we don't need to do it like we did in secondary school, where 5 big crocodile clips had to cling on to a tiny bit of exposed wire.

And what I'm not supposed to do in lab

And the project that caused all the misery; the game interface that in the end didn't go into the final report, cos well... it didn't look professional enough. True lah. It isn't even 3D. Well...

But look at the amount of detail that went in. I included a guard house. The HQ block had a garden at the 2nd storey and a super big antenna. Was meant to be sarcastic. There was a pond some more...

2007-11-20T17:04:00.000+08:00

Birthday Dinner

I wish upon a falling star...

lol

It was the X'mas decor at Soho @ Central (Yes, it's that name; Central Mall is a building somewhere behind Soho). Was jio-ed by my dear 17-yr-old friends to spend my birthday evening. No, I meant we were friends for 17 years. Yup, we were friends since we were 3. I mean, since we were Pri 3. Darn... Am I letting in on too much of my age??

Anyways, since xy blogged about the dinner first hand, I didn't want to do another repetition post. But well, I found a way to OUTDO her post. haha...

We didn't have a lot. Just a platter for two or three (I am not DRUNK. It was stated as that in the menu) and Louisana Prawns and a treat from Manhatten Fish Market of a CHOCOLOATE brownie.

Anyways, I thought the lead of the night was xy. You see, she was stealing the limelight for the whole night.

First, Fred and I were deciding whether to take the platters with code G03 or G04. xy then interrupted us and said: G01 is grilled, G02 is fried, see which one you all like lor.

Then, when we decided to take G03, Fred and I were looking at appetizers with codes C03 and C09. Then, xy said again: G03 or G04 I also can.

Sorry, I didn't mean to roll my eyeballs. Neither was Fred intentional with that stifled snarl...

The xy saga went on when we asked for the Birthday Special of the restaurant, which was a complimentary brownie. So, xy asked the waiter: Is your brownie chocolate brownie?? I tell you, I was right beside the poor waiter and I could feel the quizzical aura emanating from him...

But whatever.

They tried to make me feel 'special' by making me hold the brownie, lighted with candle, while standing up and listening to their Birthday Song Rendition. They failed, cos they didn't sing out loud lol

Then we walked about Chinatown, and halfway through, xy said something: My handphone is has no memory...

Without thinking, I chipped in: ya... Like you lor.

Luckily for me, it didn't occur to her that she could push me onto the road...

But well, we went to jing's house to play with her old new Monopoly. Crazy. At the 30th min, when I sensed that I would lose the game, I went all out to sell a critical property to xy, so she could be the winner.

I was right, that property was critical to her becoming the winner. Except the conclusion came at about 2 hrs later. That was how Monopoly was hard to end. That was how long that I, with minimal useful property, took to become bankrupt.

Whatever.

2007-11-19T11:47:00.000+08:00

Student Feedback Survey

First time I took the effort to write in the columns where I usually wrote: NA.

And since I'm not one who could really write seriously, I ended up like blogging. A lot of shorthands, a lot of personal attacks on the lecturers. I can't be bothered.

Anyways, I was feeling bored, so I wrote this something for this lab TA.

Teacher's name: XXX MXXXXXX HXXXX JXXXXXXX
Module: DATA STRUCTURES AND ALGORITHMS
Activity type: LABORATORY

I remember mentioning down here that my C++ lab TA looked like Ayumi Hamasaki (who happened to have such an AA name, those with 2 angmoh names) , so I wrote this:

actually, i'm not sure if he's the one i noe. when i attend my labs, there were TWO TAs in the lab. 1 who looks like ayumi hamasaki and another a foreign indo-china student. my replies are with respect to the former.

Basically, I was rather busy trying to solve the lab qns to really ask for help (except for my 1st lab where I met with some tech faults). so i'm sorry to say i have no constructive comments for him.

I think the whole department is going to laugh at him and call him Ayu for the whole of next sem...

Anyways, had some grouses for another module. While I was attacking personally to lecturers whom I really hoped they could do better (like the prof who kept apologising for every small matter), I was really mean this time.

lastly, i HATE the lab TA. she's cocky and irritating. the reason why i couldn't answer my oral test for lab 1 well was because I COULDN'T FREAKING UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS TRYING TO ASK. she has a problem with the construction of english sentences, and she gives that irking expression that it was MY FAULT that her english SUCKED. i half expect most of the students who could fare well in the oral part to be PRC students. no offense, but it's an objective observation.

therefore, i hope that this module can be improved on by asking people with a better than average english standard to access the students.

I really think it's unfair that I suffer from a language disadvantage when in the first place foreign students should have the disadvantage.

Whatever.

2007-11-17T16:40:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to Me

24 years have passed, and I have yet to be fully independent. But soon... soon.

Had a rather tough week (great to use the past tense), emotionally I mean. I don't know, but I just felt weak and drained.

Amazingly, what seemed like a neverending project came to an abrupt conclusion today. Done. No more meetings. Was it cos God felt my tears raining onto his heart? That he felt that it was time to end the test he meant for me.

He couldn't take it anymore; fail him and move on to another target...

Whatever.

During the lunch with PJ1, I was chirpy and friendly. Hypocritic? Considering how bad I felt with regards to the whole project. So bad, during meeting today, I was snapping at them and forcing my way through to a conclusion.

I recall a conclusion I made some time last year to LF:

I am a good friend, but not a good co-worker. I guess it's true bah.

Move on.

What's a birthday without the resolutions??

But to recap my last year's resolutions... Well, I didn't really keep track. I mean, I mixed up those done with the 2007 New Year Resolutions.

The only thing I was affirmative was that I took driving lessons, bought a sling bag.

Not very fulfilling, considering that it was like only 20% of the full resolutions. Gotta make those that are more realistic bah...

Anyways:

24th Birthday Resolutions (Chronological Order)

[ Mug for FYP in Dec ]
[ Shed 3cm by Jan ]
[ Shed 3cm by CNY ]
[ 1st 50 Chapters of ZZGY by March ]
[ Obtain driving license ]
[ Shed 3cm by May ]
[ IPPT silver by ICT ]
[ Find a good job ]
[ Complete ZZGY before start of job ]
[ Own an XBox 360 or PS3 ]
[ Own a Digital Camera ]
[ Learn Piano ]
[ Master Rollerblading ]

2007-11-17T09:35:00.000+08:00

Lousy Birthday

Who cries in despair 10 min into waking up to his birthday??

2007-11-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

Moving On

What was worse for a birthday week?

1) Stuck in a 5-day NCC camp for 3 consecutive years

2) 49th day of father's death on birthday itself

3) Mugging for exams for 5 of the years

4) Warded for emotional trauma (Exactly 1 yr + 45 days after father's death)

5) Facing a 70% undone project, with Proj Mate 1 (PJ1) having opposing ideas all of the time and PJ2 MIA at a critical meeting where deadline is only 4 days away.

I chose 5, because all the others were past me.

3rd hour through meeting, of which more than half was spent on watching other groups doing their presentation to pick up points for emulation, and 5 missed calls and 3 unreplied sms later to PJ2, I was near breakdown.

It had been a tough sem; It had been a long time.

The tipping point was reached.

At this very juncture, I recalled the Christian's way of thinking: I believe it was God trying to put me to test.

Religious teachings do work when one is at one's nerve's ends.

I walked out, took a deep breath, cleared my mind, went back to LT and took the rest of the hour to calm myself and formulate my future steps.

After that, I sat down with PJ1 and had a peaceful, heart-to-heart talk.

Not about the Unique Selling Point of our project, but about how I hope we can just continue with things, get it over and done with by not affecting other modules.

I was helpless, I said. I did whatever I could cos I knew my limitations. But if you guys just continued to behave like this, one who couldn't care less and one who cared too much, and not help support/refine/reconstruct whatever I did and thus end up that we did nothing, we will just flunk this module.

Forget about PJ2, I said. Not that we will omit his name in the final project. Just pretend that he has given his final say about the project and WE WILL GO ON.

Yes, I knew him like 5 years ago, but that was in BMT, that was during the 8 weeks we spent together. I didn't know him to be such an irresponsible guy. Let's give him the benefit of doubt; he may have had stroke like your other group's mate a few weeks back.

But let's move on.

Make a pass-able project and we work hard for our exams and we may still get a high B or A, right?

Tonight, burning some midnight oil, making the most progress, for this project, for the whole sem.

2 persons only, with a consensus finally.

2007-11-12T12:35:00.000+08:00

Crash

Crashing 1 lecture. Not cos I siao on, but cos I have nowhere else to go where there is aircon and power points.

Anyways, this lecturer speaks funny english. She shouldn't be Singaporean. Anyways, it was reported last Saturday that half of NUS's academic staff is non-Singaporean. Not surprising.

I pity the students of this module. They have to endure her irritating slang/twirling of the tongue in a failed-attempt-to-imitate-angmoh style, which is so common among the kind of people like her. Please lah. You never grew up learning english, and you try to imitate angmoh straight away.

Like mums like to say:

还没有学走路就要飞

Anyways, it's so typical of people like them.

Just now, was walking behind 3 very stinky P-type people. 1 guy 2 gals. One gal was SUPER UPSET at missing the lift.

“就差那么几步！” x 10^infinity times.

So kiasu. Even more ks than locals. I was half-expecting her to drop dead on the spot cos she just missed the lift.

I hate their kiasu-ism, in the context of chasing after buses and lifts. I mean, it's not as though you will die if you miss it! Come one, when you run after a bus by crossing the road recklessly, you are more likely to be rammed by cars!

I hate this, cos in the morning, the buses at the terminal will take eons to start moving, cos these people will just start running and asking for the bus to wait for them. It's not just one or two. But after waiting for this, another will be coming along. Then another, and another.

WHAT FOR??

If it's on Sundays, I understand, cos the bus frequency is 15 min. But on normal weekdays, the waiting time is less than FIVE BLOODY MINUTES. YOU REALLY WILL MORE LIKELY TO DIE FROM GETTING RUN DOWN BY CARS THAN MISSING THE BUS!!!

Idiots.

Idiots who are good at mugging, but super failures in life.

But it's typical of people like them.

2007-11-11T00:02:00.000+08:00

Sammi the Fighter

Don't know how many times she was spokesperson for the Asian Video Games thingy. Last time was at the album of Wonder Woman, where they used her as a mascot for an opening animation. That time, she didn't take part physically.

Now, she was transformed into a red fighter. Rather cool.

Come to think of it, Nintendo has this channel for Wii users to share avatars created using Wii controllers, called Mii Channel, or Check Mii Out. Since Sammi is also called Mi, I wonder if Nintendo will use her to be their spokesperson lol

2007-11-10T23:13:00.000+08:00

Stardust

It's a nice show.

Let me start from the cons of the show (since I'm the find-fault kind of person).

The pace was rather awkward at first, with some slapstick humour. The humour part wasn't that fatal, and it improved along the way (perhaps I was conditioned to it by then). Some of the CG was obviously lousy, like the view out of the dying king's window. Something like LOTR, when Frodo was at the elve's place. Anyway, given that the view wasn't the objective of the scene, it was forgivable.

/*Been rather touchy about that topic. If something's not the focus, why bother to make it A-grade when B-grade is good enough? And if something's not the focus, why bring it into focus? There's only limited resources, in terms of improving on something, and in terms of space for things under focus. We gotta prioritize... */

Anyway, the show started with a whole string of ugly and not-so-good-looking people, that I was beginning to marvel at how confident the director was at just choosing 'real actors' to cast in a fantasy tale (which is supposed to be beautiful, I guess. And I didn't really know anybody in the show except for Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert De Niro).

The only 1st eye candy was Victoria. Then Yvaine. Then M. Pfeiffer came along. Then, Tristan became better looking after Captain Shakespeare 'cut' his hair into long locks (I hate his curved fringe that hogged half of the show!!).

The scenery was superb. Something like New Zealand, and yet quite different. I don't know. Picking up from various sources like books and other films, I will like to think the scenery was taken in the Scotland's high lands (the plot's set in England, no?).

I don't know if it was to Neil Gaiman's superb plotting, or the skill of the director to weave and condense everything in the book into a 2-hr show, but it was definitely a feat that a movie can have so much contents and yet not feel rushed, or full of loopholes. Though I believe certain parts could have been missed out (I was filling in the parts in my mind where there ought to be more elaboration), but the director knew what to leave out and what not, such that those that were left out wasn't missed.

Again, it's a matter of knowing what to prioritize.

M. Pfeiffer was brave to take on the role which required her to be super old and ugly. Robert De Niro was skillful at tackling the role of the macho pirate boss who was gay in actual fact. I guess, although the focus was on the 2 young lead actors, and they did very well in playing their roles, the 2 experienced actors made the show shone in a lot of ways. Icing on an already superb cake.

I realize I'm beginning to like fantasy more and more. I used to like science fiction, but it sorta grew out of me, partly due to the flood from the movies, and partly due to the dash of the element of fantasy after 4 years specializing in technology myself.

Particularly at this point of time, I find fantasy, with its stretch of imagination, with minor strings involved with anything technology (who cared how the ship could survive in a thunderstorm, or how it didn't break under the force when landing in water? It was plain fun to see such impossible stuff happen. But I must confess those thoughts like: wow... 'that wood took more stress than any other metals on earth' did cross my mind).

Maybe I'm just beginning to hate reality more and more...

Anyways, I wanna watch GOLDEN COMPASS. hehe...

2007-11-09T21:45:00.001+08:00

Busy

Not cos I was disciplined, but I was pushed.

Spent the whole of the week on meeting the deadlines of 2 projects.

I am sacrificing sleep for other people (the project) and not for myself.

Well...

I dunno.

During those meetings, thoughts like: Why is this person like that? kept flashing through my mind.

After that, when I have time to myself for some reflection, I began to appreciate that whoever I worked with exposed me to more of life bah.

I must say, doing projects (past, present, future) isn't always good, as in, getting the best people to work with.

A lot of people, at least those in engin that I happened to know/see, spent most of their 4 years doing projects with their friends. Well, the tacitness between them almost ensured them an A, but they were only exposed to the same people every now and then.

What was more, friends also think more alike, so they tend to have less disputes.

While my working with almost none-friends (only group project did with friends was in yr 1) always bothered me, I learned to deal with a lot more of different kinds of people bah.

After all, when we go out to work, we can't possibly work with people we 100% like 100% of the time. Even worse, there will not only be people with different types of personality, but also with different degrees of understanding ideas and logic.

hmmm... All these stuff, I use to tell myself that all the effort is worth it ba.

At the end of the day, I still must say I don't really like working with people. At least with people who don't think along the same frequency as me.

One thing I must mention, though, is the unique working relationship I had with Medan. She was so siao on and I am so slack. And yet we could work well, cos we think along the same bandwidth. At least we had overlaps in bandwidth. So much so that the differences in working styles over rode our mentality of reaching goals.

Kudoz! Medan is the 1st person whom I started out not knowing and yet we could agree on stuff.

Don't know what to say liaoz. How I wish this period of time, this 1 month, will just be skipped, like I fast forward videos!!

2007-11-09T21:23:00.000+08:00

I Learned Parallel Parking

After learning 3-point turn last week, I went on to learn parallel parking.

I will say I was quite good at it. hehe... Even my instructor praised me.

But straight after that, at a junction, my instructor scolded me again. haha... Actually, the only thing I did well was the parking. After that, I dunno why, I couldn't stop well and turn well. Engine also died once in the middle of the road. My instructor still finds me driving too slow.

I got reason one.

People like me reaction super slow, drive too fast no time to react...

Anyways, he then gave this conclusion, using the parallel parking and the junction incident as examples:

死的东西你就学得很好。活得你就一直学不会。

真是一语道破我的学习习惯！

2007-11-07T00:53:00.000+08:00

Running Sessions

Pushed harder today. While it took about 30 min last week to reach W.Coast Park (average was 26min, but was shagged last week, dunno why), we took 18 min today.

I felt I can go faster; I wasn't 100% shagged, I knew.

Anyways, running sessions with robson always involved a lot of talk-cocking (that's why we take longer time on average, cos we spent our energy on talking). Our talks will always involve the future, something we are very lost and unsure at this stage of our lives.

I realize I always jump straight into the future to imagine stuff, while robson will always stop at the 1st step and say, "I don't even know if I will reach there." (details of subject, forget it. Many subjects were along this line).

I think my perspective is optimistic in the sense that when I dare to dream, I dare to reach. He, on the other hand, will tackle problem step by step.

Very engineer. haha...

A lot of stuff, I realize, will also change perspectives after saying out loud.

Today, I shared with him the fact that I do literary work. Something very few people will. It will be even more exclusive to have even seen the works (no one bothers to visit this place anyways, except for good old frens).

Anyways, I used to be very reserved about sharing this passion cos I feel that the reception from the public will not be very positive. Unless I can be very sure that the person is worthy of viewing my works, then they will get to view it. I don't want to show people my work, and end up that they don't have the depth to give me constructive feedback. Worse still, considering how the average Singaporeans despise Chinese, the chances of me getting teased is higher.

Anyways, what happened just now was that I mentioned I do something along that line.

While trying to convince him why I stopped joining XQRJ or some local, small-scaled competitions, I found my stand wavering.

Thinking along the line of fear of showing to people unworthy of viewing my works, I felt that the judges from small competitions tend to be people I have never heard of. For all I know, they could be good in judging music, but not in literature. And considering how virtually no emphasis is placed on lyrics (how many Singaporeans know Chinese?), I won't be surprised an arrangement was made that way.

So, while telling him that, I found my confidence draining away. All of a sudden, I felt that I am not in a position to make such judgements. After all, none of my works have been recognized officially, ya? Yes, I can blame it on the indifferent attitude of locals towards lyrics, hence blocking my way to recognition, or to a lesser content, improvement.

Yup, I actually joined some organizations before, where they acted as portals to music companies to submit works. But their emphasis was always music. While music can be submitted alone, lyrics must always be accompanied by music.

And even if I layer lyrics over existing melody, priority will still be made for those with original music, and the former-mentioned will just be for fillers when there will be drop in supply.

So I diverted my attention to writing novels. It's much easier after all. Novels are about bringing ideas across through the use of various tactics, which are not constrained like lyrics to rhymes or rhythms. I can aim to be like 朱自清 who expresses his thoughts with simple words, and avoid being stressed by trying to be 蔡诗平 (ah... forgot what ping liaoz...). I read a few pages of the latter's work and was like: No way can I spew such flowery words every sentence!!

But I just wanna go along that line and see. ha... But I'm still quite green in the field bah...

Actually, it's quite funny. Someone like me who isn't very strong in Chinese, or language in actual fact, is trying to make a mark in the literal world.

Whatever.

I don't even know why I brought this up. I can't find a conclusion to all these thoughts too.

Perhaps engineers should stick to the path of banking and engineering??

2007-11-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

Shit Shit Shit

Arrggghhhh.....

Life is full of shit.

At least I create a lot of shit for myself.

No wonder they say 懒人屎尿多。

2007-11-04T10:42:00.000+08:00

My Shit After Taking The Food

Plagiarized a commentary from yesterday's ST, which is sort of the only view I can really agree on amidst the pro and against voices surrounding the repeal of the penal code Section 377A (or is it 373??)

All along, I adopt the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, which I don't really know why. haha... It was like: this was the most natural position to take, as it always had been in the general political/social scene in Singapore, no?

I mean, if something has got nothing to do with me and I wasn't compromised (in my case, it will be something to do with money or sleeping), then why do I want to make an effort to promote or criticize an agenda? The only people who do that are, as mentioned, the religious ones. And to mention 'religious ones', in the article, refers to only ONE religion, because 'Taoism and Buddhism do not practice the notion of God and sins'.

Even if someone has sinned, if he's not a Christian, why should Christians be so kay-poh to condemn them? Even if he's a Christian, if God don't punish him, what gives Christians the right to condemn them? With consideration of their hard-sell strategy of propagating Christianity, I won't be surprised if the religion gets boycott by the general population of Singapore.

I mean, Singaporeans, though kay-poh themselves, wouldn't like other people to interfere with their lives.

Back in army, even my malay colleagues, who couldn't understand why there could be mutual attraction (romantically) between the same sex, didn't interfere with (except for an occasional taunt, or ke-chiao, which they always do to the whole world) the gays in my unit, just as long as they don't make advances to them.

Aiyah, I guess the most important thing is that I can't understand the thinking of Christians, which is why I am never Christianically inclined. OK, OK, I was never religiously inclined.

But the article was right in pointing out the root to the general attitude of Singaporeans, that is, the root back in ancient China. Though I'm quite against the idea of equating Singapore and China now, I support the fact that we are still historically linked. No matter how differently we have evolved, we evolved from the same land. (But it still does not mean you can call a Singaporean a Chinese without stressing the fact that we are Chinese Singaporeans)

Anyways, so what with the food for thought?

I am not expressing my support for homosexuality, nor am I going to condemn it. I just hope people will mind their own business. As far as I am concerned, the gay population could be a meagre 0.01%, even if you say 1% of the population is gay, I doubt they will play a pivoting role in compromising our lives or stage a gay uprising.

Come on lah, even if they go around raping people (like some homophobic people from a certain religion conjured gays to be possible of doing), they will be battered to death before they even succeeded in raping 0.01% of the people.

Just live and let live.

2007-11-04T10:40:00.000+08:00

Food For Thought

It's not a big deal for most Singaporeans

3 November 2007

Straits Times

English

IN THE recent debate over the decriminalisation of homosexual sodomy, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong observed, in passing, that HDB heartlanders weren't too concerned about the issue.

Mr Jeffrey Tan, a teaching fellow in the China division at the Nanyang Technological University (NTU), nuances the picture somewhat.

First, there is the Chinese intelligentsia here who are 'quite pro-gay', he said. These are the Nantah graduates and those who have gone to Taiwan or China to study, whose world views are coloured by their media and literature, which they continue to consume and which have become very libertarian in the 1990s in so far as same sex issues are concerned.

Secondly, there are non-cosmopolitan Chinese here who are non-confrontational when it comes to sexuality because their culture is suffused with Taoist and Buddhist values, wherein there is no concept of God or sin.

They would be like their compatriots in China and Taiwan, where 'most people do not find same sex attraction sinful or deserving of punishment, even when expressed physically', according to Dr Wu Cuncun who teaches at the University of New England in Australia.

Some might feel sad that a son or daughter might not grow up like 'other boys and girls', but the behaviour would not lead to disgust or them being disowned - unless someone deliberately set out to offend, she added.

Sexuality in traditional Chinese culture was regarded as part of life and not as something that spoke to some essence in one's personality. It did not define one's identity in society. That is, no one thought of a male who had sex with another as a homosexual - in the way Western activists push gay identity politics today, pitting conservatives against liberals today.

Dr Wu said: 'In China, historically, homoeroticism had little to do with being conservative or liberal. Instead, standards of conduct were based on a world view encompassing the complementary forces of yin and yang.

'But yin and yang were never absolutely separate, so women and men fulfilled complementary roles and shared complementary places,' she added. Thus, there was no sense of sin if a man found another 'erotically attractive'. Such a male was just seen to be indulging in one possible form of sexuality.

Many emperors engaged in sex with both women and men, Dr Wu noted. Yet this guiltless relaxation towards same sex eroticism - famously depicted in Hongloumeng or Dream of the Red Chamber, one of the four great classics in pre-modern Chinese fiction - was largely something to be found within the upper classes. These dominated and used the lower classes in the form of compliant bodies, male or female, for purposes both sexual and nonsexual.

Outside of the aristocracy and literati, for much of Chinese history, a man of commoner status was 'probably more likely to offend another man if he was incautious in approaching him with erotic intentions, and such a situation would usually be bereft of...romance', said Dr Mark Stevenson of Victoria University in Australia .

Yet, by the 19th century, more than any other time in Chinese history, in Beijing's world of theatre, at least, both young and old males from outside the scholar-official class, particularly merchants, were indulging in sex with young men quite openly.

Dr Stevenson thought that 'so many men felt unashamed about (this because there was) no Godhead in Chinese culture, so that the population as a whole was relatively free of hang-ups' around questions of sin in the forms that sexuality took.

Dr Wu agreed: 'In Chinese moral thought there is an absence of concern with God or sin.' Perhaps our immigrant forefathers brought with them this worldview which continues to animate the HDB heartlander.

In practice, everyone in the family knows about the homosexual son but no one talks about it. Mr Tan observed: 'In fact, it is the gays who are left behind to take care of ageing parents as their siblings get married and move out to start their own families.'

In such cases, it is 'very common in Singapore', Mr Tan said anecdotally, for gays to move in and stay with their boyfriends and their aged parents, who just accept the whole deal quietly.

This is reminiscent of Lee Ang's 1993 movie, The Wedding Banquet, in which a gay Chinese man who has a live-in white boyfriend fakes a wedding with a woman friend to please his ageing parents. Later on he 'outs' himself to his mother but not his father, who realises quietly that his son is homosexual.

The old man later invites his son's white boyfriend to go with him for a private stroll, during which he gives him an angbao as a gesture of accepting him as his 'child-in-law'.

This is perhaps the practical way in which many heartlanders deal with homosexuality in the family (which would be statistically rare at any rate) - a 'don't ask, don't tell; don't reject but don't promote' approach.

Finally, there are the heartlanders who are Christianised who reject homosexuality in the family vigorously, Mr Tan observed. These are the 'horror stories, where the gay son is hauled off to church to be exorcised and so on', he said.

Linking Christianisation to colonialism, Mr Tan lays it all down at the feet of the British, who brought in Section 377A of the Penal Code anyway. Dr Wu agrees that it is more likely to be Singapore's colonial legacy that explains any anti-gay attitude that may be found here.

But since there are more non-Christians than Christians in Singapore in general, the non- confrontational model is probably more widespread. For these folks, rice bowl concerns are paramount, added Mr Tan, which is why 'they don't give two hoots' for (any confrontation over) homosexuality.

andyho@sph.com.sg

2007-11-02T01:12:00.000+08:00

Next-Gen Energy

The world is going green. Use less of fossil fuels, they say. Look to the abu-neh-neh, I say. Cos they just keep *talking and talkinG and talkiNG and talkING and talKING and taLKING and tALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING (plus or minus the number of TALKING mentioned)*

sidetrack: to keep things simple, the portion between the * * will be represented by the pseudonym of 'irritate the hell out of me'.

If someone can harness the energy they exerted through the way they keep talking and talkinG and talkiNG and talkING and talKING and taLKING and tALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING and TALKING (plus or minus the number of TALKING mentioned) irritate the hell out of me, then that guy will be the richest man in the world.

Come on, I arrived at Block EA, level 2 at about 7:30pm. At that time, there was a whole bunch of abu-neh-neh waiting to go into LT7 downstairs (for what, I dunno). Perhaps it was the fact that the place was enclosed, cos the amount of sound energy propagating within the walls of the place was like 东方不败弹古筝 x 10^(number of strands of white hair on my head), which is not that much, actually.

That carried on until about 8:30pm when they finally went in.

But peace was short.

I don't know what they did inside the LT, but they emerged from it within an hour's time. And with them, they brought with them their energy that could power 20million households for one millenium.

To be fair, about half of them left at 11:30pm, but those who remained managed to maintain the level of irritating the hell out of me that they were still irritating the hell out of me when I left the place at 12am.

From 7:30pm to 12am... 4.5 hours of non-stop hits. 933的9连环都可以播9次了,好不好.

Really, consider the amount of energy one can harness!!

Considering how Singapore is chasing the clean energy industry by attracting the setting up of the world's biggest solar power parts making facility in the world, all to harness the power of the light, we can always do the same with harnessing the power of the DARK.

2007-10-31T14:52:00.000+08:00

杰诺可以做推销员

阳雄底迪受到我的影响，开始看棒棒堂看上瘾。

今早就收到他的一封简讯，无奈地申诉：你害我！我昨晚看棒棒堂看到早上2点！

不好意思啦。

好看的节目就像是连锁信一样，就是要传下去。本尊受其影响长达3个礼拜，当然也要拖别人下水。而且是越快越好。当整个工程系都陷入棒棒堂之魔咒时，我才能在三个礼拜后的考试中不至于垫底。

这是一个狗吃狗的世界。

我为阳雄底迪祈祷祝福。。。

2007-10-30T17:11:00.000+08:00

越玩越 HIGH

哎呀。。。既然薇老师都开口说对我的感言有所感触，我也开始得意起来了。哈哈。。。

其实，我还很庆幸我不是老师，更不是一位华文老师。所以我对华文的感触，仅存在个人的立场。我无须背负传教（欸。。。不懂可不可以这样用）华文的责任。只是偶尔在生活上碰到一些令人发指的事（当然是有关banana贬低华文的例子），就发一点牢骚，在这里发言。

我可以当场沉默，不需要站出来指正别人的错误，因为对陌生人发飙，除非真的越过我的极限使我愤怒到不行，或别人孤军作战，我也不会主动去找别人的碴。

如果我是老师的话，处在之前的状况，若没有认识的人，当然还是会保持沉默。但要是面对的是学校的学生，甚至是（举例而已啦）其他英文老师表示对华文的憎恶，我还真的不知道该如何是好。

都说了，我经不起激，若跟人争执，不到一会儿就哭了吧。

嘿嘿。。。

其实也没什么。只是薇老师的现身让我有感而发，就写段感想。说也奇怪，以前在学校时，若得写感想（剪报、书籍、国庆日、种族和谐日。。。）我都会很排斥，因为我不知道能够写什么。

可是长大之后，常常都会因为遇见某件小事而想要大发理论，不说上三两句就不会爽。

难怪以前总觉得阿公阿麽都好啰嗦。。。可是近些日子都觉得还好，甚至偶尔还会跟老人家抢话说。

大概是平时的闷骚无处释放吧。

好地。。。是时候回去读个小书了！

2007-10-28T12:59:00.000+08:00

再贴一则

lol

坐在我旁边的两位‘阿布奶奶’开始播放他们《神奇》般的音乐，而且越播越大声。过了好一阵子那个阿布奶奶婆才问我音量是否太大。

不会，我说。

不会才怪咧！

只是我是华人，华人都会笑着说：没关系，脑子里却已经诅咒他们的的油脂肪迅速增加致死！

算了，反正我好像没有真正读书的打算。我可以看一看《模范棒棒堂》，写一写我的小说，总算是一种活吧。

妮伟，我刚刚找到了一张超靓的黑涩会美媚九妞的照片。超正的！

少了一个妞，多了一个总监

那是他们总监在自己的部落格宣布九妞将在下个月到香港宣传的消息时 po 上去的。是的！他们的总监就是那个坐在中间的唯一一个男生！Another pretty boy，但是他自言自己太老了，所以无法成为棒棒堂的一分子。 lol

虽然我还没真正看过一集的《我爱黑涩会》，但是我单凭长相还蛮喜欢Apple（后排右二）的。其他的美媚看起来都太嫩了，只有Apple稍有模特儿的特质，不是吗？我个人还觉得她貌似Maggie Q的。当然，另一个看起来不嫩的就是大牙（后排左二）了。只是她看起来像是一个很好的老婆（Apple 为最佳（可以拿来炫耀）女友）。She looks intelligent, perhaps cos she has buck tooth like me, haha...

起初我还一直觉得奇怪，为什么棒棒堂里人气最高的是王子；为什么六棒会被选出来。以我男生的眼光还真的无法透析。但到了黑涩会看她们的人气榜后，Apple和大牙的名次竟不如那些看起来乳臭未干的小女孩（她们好像在第14名之后），我才明白之前懊恼的理由所在。

本人就是比较喜欢看起来成熟稳重的人吧。那些甜到腻或‘可爱’的我还有点承受不了。说也是。棒棒堂里我最喜欢的小马，是他们底迪当中最年长的其中一个。其他我认为表现还比六棒突出/认真的如阿本和Terry也年过20。但是too bad lah，两个节目的观众群都锁定那些十几岁的小孩子们，而他们的品味也难免和我们这些‘老磕磕’的人有一段距离吧。

ok了啦。

是时候把心思放在别的事情上。一天内写那么多则的文章也有点不健康。

Bye！

2007-10-28T11:37:00.000+08:00

周日早晨

那些听说了我的再次冲刺，并默默/公开支持我的人，谢谢啦！

哎哟。。。感觉好奇怪；打华文字上部落格。

其实也没有什么重大意义。现在除了课业上以及通简讯时得使用我的英文功力外，我大致上都在用华语。看网络视频、对自己说话（鼓励鼓励自己嘛！）或在杂货店里和收银员稍微对话时，大多都以我的母语为我的主要沟通语言。

但是说也奇怪，平时噼里啪啦的可以说出一大段的华语，却每次在书写时特别困难。最懊恼得是我明明都不崇尚书写时使用特别花俏的字眼，更认为我的写作就是要相等于我谈话时的“黑白记录”。但是每次一提笔（这是一个很抽象的字眼，因为我已经很久没有真正‘提笔’写中文了，有的只是在电脑上乱打一通，然后从屏幕上认字、点击即可），我都会不自觉地运用一些我在谈话中不会用的字眼。

当然，其中一个因素就是我身为新加坡人所使用的谈话性语言，本来就很‘本土化’。

平时讲话的时候，还不是这边 a little bit of english，那边 a little bit of chinese and sometimes a bit of hokkien plus malay... 这是一种在对话时不自觉、从小就培养出来的 habit，既是我们新加坡人的特色，也是我无发改掉的习惯。

这最近在为我的 Gaming Module 的 project 进行讨论时，我的队友时常指出，我们的游戏若参杂太多的新加坡式字眼，外国人就不会买了。可是我的爱国心作祟，老是跟他们抬杠，说：

就是要有我们自己的特色嘛。如果我们的 game 根那些美国做出来的 game 一模一样，甚至连里面的措辞也是 ang moh ang moh 的，那我们凭什么举着新加坡的旗帜来创造出新加坡品牌的游戏？我们还倒不如加入一个外资企业，如 LucasFilm 或 EA Games 好了。

我觉得什么哈日、韩流的趋势之所以那么成功，全靠支持他们自己本地货的人。新加坡无法真正创造出“新潮”，不是因为我们市场小（其实我们的市场也包括了马来西亚/柔佛），而是我们自己人不支持本地货。全部都认为 iPod 比 Creative 好，燕姿没有比唱英文歌的 Taufik 高级。可是你们想想，燕姿，甚至本地的许多媒体工作者如 Zing 在外国的成就都深受好评，在本地却只有政府和相关的媒体工作者（中文为本的媒体咯）把他们当作国宝。或是 Creative, 若他们的 MP3 Player 有那么差，那 Zen Vision M 里面的音效卡 Sound Blaster 怎么可能会装置在世界上近乎所有电脑中呢？

新加坡人总是认为外国的月亮比较圆而贬低自己的‘国货’。最后导致每个有才华的人都得跑到外国去证明自己的实力（但是他们在外国的成绩还未必能够让他们衣锦还乡，光荣地回国）。

欸。。。怎么我说到火星去了？

我想我在写作时也比说话时更想使用一些平时说话无法用到的词汇吧。

刚刚在写上几段的时候，就有一个本地美媚经过，并且打算在我隔壁的桌子读书。可是当她看见我正在打华文字后，便立刻收拾行囊，速速离开。

这也是我平时说话时得运用一些‘白吃’字眼的原因。

我在机场实习的时候，常常会碰到一些状况。

我：我刚才瞥过去看到你在我背后偷吃东西！

别人：你在说什么？哪里有‘瞥’这个字？

知道我的意思了吧？平时我用一些中学学到的字眼，都会有很多人不懂那个字的存在，叫我怎么能不只用小学的词汇和别人交谈呢？

我相信，十个新加坡华人读我这篇文章，就有八个人无法理解50%的字，纵使我的华文写作程度还不算什么‘世界级’，或‘高级华文级’吧。当然，这是一个不实际的比喻，因为那80%读不懂我所写的人，根本连瞥也不会瞥这段文章！

可是我就是懊恼，为什么华文一个那么简单的语文，竟然能让这些人却步？我这种半桶水程度还不是从小看电视连续剧学来的？难道这有那么难吗？更好笑的是，白先勇的《台北人》也是我三个月前才真正完整阅读的书籍。就连陪伴我们成长的‘华文读本’，我也只有在上课时敷衍翻一翻而已。

前些日子，我在 Arts Canteen 吃饭时，听见一群人的对话。这群人包括一个 ang moh 交换生还有一群洋腔洋调的新加坡华人。当那名 ang moh 宣称在这里修读华文时，那些 banana 就好似面临世界末日般地嘶吼：“Why are you taking Chinese? It's such a duh! language to learn!”

我好想当场把我的 laksa 泼到那些 banana 的身上。只是 1）一碗 laksa 也未必能够泼得到他们每个人 2）在下这最近手头有些紧，不便把珍贵的食物浪费在教训这些不知羞耻的人身上。

他们之所以无法读好华文，纯粹是他们的智商有限，所以我也不忍心责怪他们。（如果他们智商还比我们这些懂得使用华文的人还厉害的话，早就飞到‘香蕉天堂’美国或英国读书了，何必留在这里忍受我们这些噼里啪啦尽说华文的人的气呢？）

唠叨了这么久，也该停止了。昨天‘工作’了半天也只达到一半的目标。只希望今天能够达成之前为这个周末设定的目标，明天又可以为那个恼人的FYP烦。

就这样了。我身边坐下了一对情侣。他们并没有跑掉；因为他们不是华人。lol

2007-10-26T17:36:00.000+08:00

红绿灯

I cleaned my fans yesterday, though not that willingly, thanks to the people who changed the blinds to curtains. They decapitated my fan, so I had to re-assemble it. And in doing so, I decided to clean it, with just tissue and wet tissue. No rinsing of water. I later also cleaned my ceiling fan.

Today, I cleaned both my water bottles. When was the last time I washed them? I think at week 4 ba. Now week 10. But well...

All these cleaning, given my past experience, is significant. I sort of believe I can catch up 70% of the stuff I lagged behind this coming weekend.

Shit... Worrying about FYP made me unproductive...

Also, went to buy sammi's Show Mi DVD.

When the packaging was opened, 5 words popped out, red against black, vividly.

During the concert, sammi elaborated the circumstances of her decision to disappear for 2 years. She said she was at the junction of her life, not knowing when to cross the road. She was so afraid of the lights turning red when she decided to do so.

So she waited at the junction for 2 years.

This year, she decided to cross the road.

I waited at my junction, just because I was tired. At the same time, I was afraid to face what was at the other side of the road. Like a child refusing to grow up, I refuse to face the fact that I would be graduating soon.

After assembling the results of all these months of self-discovery, I think I know what I want in life; what I really will be happy doing.

Crossing the junction of life; I think it's my turn now =)

2007-10-24T18:01:00.000+08:00

More 棒棒堂 Links

My favouritest episode to date. So much so I actually re-watched it =) 小村老师 was right, this episode should have been called Kuso Competition. I actually liked it when the boys go Kuso. Cos they are really funny and original. You won't feel like beating them up despite their spastic acts (think want to beat: J team).

Must see 小滨 perform his spastic dance in the dance competition and his reply when asked for the theme of his dance. Also, in the KUSO competition, he and 多多's rendition of Umbrella was HUMOROUS. Must watch also 李铨's spastic 外丹功舞 and 阿本's cartoon dance. This is the most entertaining episode bah. The boys just threw everything KUSO out...

The 2nd part of this prelims dance competition (prelims for the one I linked the other time) was good. Must see 蓝波 dance Krump and A-Wei's dance. Look at the way A-Wei stopped his cartwheel. It was c~o~o~l.

/*add-on: ah... I forgot my sense of humor is quite different from normal people. So do not get offended by what I think is funny bah... lol

舞林至尊选拔赛 I

舞林至尊选拔赛 II

金好球KUSO 大赛

2007-10-23T11:10:00.000+08:00

What Is There To Worry?

I'm still unable to put down the worry for my FYP. The FYP that I haven't been able to progress much. 'Cos I really couldn't figure out what went wrong that prevented me from plotting the graphs, I didn't really like spend all my free time thinking on how to solve it.

When I followed the instructions in the manual and still failed, I see no point spending my free time thinking of a solution.

Stupid.

Anyways, just went to see doc. ha... When I had fever few weeks back, I couldn't be bothered to see doctor. I pontang school today just to see doc.

No lah, just wanted to eradicate the sore-eyes problem plaguing me for the past few weeks. Woke up with pain in my left eye so severe I nearly couldn't open it. Swollen till open eyes machiam never open like that.

Doc says could be allergy, so he gave me some anti-allergy medicine and eye drops. If not recovered by Thursday must go back to him.

haiz... Anyways, plan to to work overnight today bah. Spend some real, uninterrupted time with my the Sunfire machines I have to work on for my FYP.

I MUST SURVIVE~!~!~!

Anyways, when I went back home last weekend, my sis told me that her bf thinks I look like...

Yoga.

林宥嘉 that Yoga. haha... I don't know why, cos the reason he gave was both of us very 'bling bling'. But... It has been a very long time since I wore many bling blings...

I bet it must have been my swollen eyes lately. They must have given me a very 迷幻 look.

Lookout! It's 迷幻杰诺!

2007-10-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

Birthday Wish Revised

I took it as a challenge when Miss yun said that she thinks my list is not exciting. Well, as a very egoistic guy, I decided to... ermz... revise my list.

1) Wallet ($56)
2) Chicken Essence + Red Bull + Face Masks(1 dozen each)
3) Cap (LARGE hor)
4) Sling Bag
5) Amulet
6) Hair-dryer
7) Creative X-Mod
8) 1 Box of Condoms

1) Went to check out the wallet that I wanted. It was a Picar... (something) wallet. Actually cost $56. But it was in a yellow tag, so I suppose that was a special price lol...

2) Knowing very well that my friends are mostly girls, I dare them to buy face masks for guys. haha...

3) No change.

4) Nothing to change bah, except maybe the challenge is to get sammi's face on it hehe...

5) No change.

6) Please get me one with a super turbo engine. I don't want those $13 kind which just blows air like I blow bubbles like that. I want those kind used in salons that is super powerful ok. One suggestion will be to go for big brands.

7) The only electronic device I'd want ba. But well, it's the most ex in the list... One way to help me get this present is to source a sugar daddy for me. Or a stupid rich girl. eh... No need stupid lah, but willing to spend money on me can le...

8) Well, similar to (2), I will want to receive this from girls, k? But of cos, a box of condoms will be nothing, since I'm quite a docile guy. So it will be appreciable if the present comes with a very hot (AND PRETTY, SG) girl. Best if she has special skills *wink* (not like threading instant mee from her mouth through her nose lah...).

2007-10-19T15:50:00.000+08:00

Birthday Wish List

Very bored, so decided to make a wish list. After all, some stuff may need time to prepare ba *wink*.

Whatever.

1) Wallet
2) Chicken Essence + Red Bull (1 dozen each)
3) Cap (LARGE hor)
4) Sling Bag
5) Amulet

End up I don't really want a lot. haha... Usually, I'll go out and buy whatever I want, so I have nothing left for my birthday wish list. But some explanation:

1) A wallet I saw from wallet shop, but I forgot what brand, and I dunno what model it was. Just that it cost $75, haha... so I was hoping that someone will try (or at least give me idea) to psycho my sisters to buy or give me $$$ for it. Mainly, it was a high class version of my current cardholder. It had no compartment for holding cash, just a clip in the middle to keep the money from falling out. Then there were lotsa card compartments. It had no coin compartments too. Mainly, it won't bulk when filled, so that the thing can fit into pockets without looking conspicuous. All I need is a high-class, durable version of the current card holder I'm using.

2) Since my birthday (always) lands on the exam period, of cos these will be what I need best. In fact, I will need them to last till end of Dec ba, where I'll still hafta do my FYP over the hols.

3) Exams coming, money dwindling, so can't cut hair, so must hide hair. ya... One of the reason why I don't wear cap was that my head is usually TOO BIG for the caps available out there. For someone kind enough, please buy a trendy-looking cap (NOT those NDP kind, k?) that is big enough. I tried M size before and they were still a bit small lah... Preferred colour: Brown, Black, Dirty Yellow.

4) I'm a bag whore, so as long as the bag is trendy looking and practical (I CAN'T use a handbag, haha...), I'll take it. But my pref will be the leathery kind. You know... Of cos, it can't be too small, cos I quite big size... Small bags look funny on me...

5) I really need some supernatural help, so please help me. I need something that will give me the courage to hang on to my last year of studies, to allow me to go through job interviews with no hiccups, etc. Of cos, if you can get me amulets that can garner me superb jobs with no strings attached, that will be best =)

That's all ba. Perhaps I should list some No-Nos for wish list.

a) Clothes: It will really be tough... Last year, Ma'at people bought me a very beautiful T-shirt, which, after a few months, I find hard to fit in. hehe... But it was mostly due to the very small neck-hole. I have a BIG head, rem? So I have a THICK neck to support BIG head. Clothes won't be a very good idea to get for me.

b) Watches: Very sensitive also. I have a formal watch which is still working fine. Trendy watches a bit hard to say. Some may be too small, some may not fit my taste. The safest bet will be to buy watches with brands like Fossil and Nike. haha... But no, I don't direly need watches, so I won't ask for them, especially expensive ones.

c) Shoes: Superstitions aside, I have ENOUGH shoes le. Some more must fit, some more must suit taste, etc. ya...

d) CD: Forget it lah. If I wanted some CDs, I'd have bought them on my own long ago. Some exceptions, though: The Matrix Box Set (which is like... $99, haha). But no, I don't really go for CDs.

e) Toys: Basically anything that has no use except to put down there to look good. Please, I don't happy happy go and caress some soft toy one. Practical, please. But NO keychains too. Or handphone thingy. I have enough of those (in fact, just right) and NO WAY am I going to buy more thumbdrives in order to put them on.

Please do inform me of your choice, k? I know there won't be an element of surprise, but imagine MY surprise when I receive a one-year supply of chicken essence and red bull...

2007-10-18T20:28:00.000+08:00

我爱模范棒棒堂 ! ! !

I must confess I haven't been very hardworking lately. Crunchy-rolling, in fact. While eating lunch today, I heard at the back of my head, "Everyday also crunchy roll, crunchy roll." I was like...

? ? ?

End up it was another person walking from behind me saying that. But it was a reminder for me, I guess.

But the main thing why I was glued to crunchy roll was the fact I was addicted to 模范棒棒堂!

A background of the show.

They have a group of boys, whom they will enroll through public contests, but this is unlike those talent-spotting shows (Superstar).

If there are special guests, they will perform for the guest. Like when Jolin went, they put up individual dance items for the big prize: Hug from Jolin. Or they will be asked to put up items (dance, skit, any kind of performing arts) to win prizes from sponsors. Or they will go outdoor and do the kind of stuff other variety show did (Games Day, Amazing Race).

Most important of all, they will have a 淘汰赛 at the end of each month, where the boys will hafta put up items to stay on in the show.

Ya, like what I wrote, for most of the time (and the show is like shown 5 days a week) the boys had to present a performance. And their standard was like, not lousy, k.

Most of them could dance, in fact, most of them had dancing backgrounds. For those who didn't have, they kept learning, and in the meantime, made up for the shortcoming with a flair for rapping (阿本). It REALLY REALLY wasn't a show where cute-looking guys just hang around for a visual feast. They indeed have a certain skill they can show, although for a lot of time, they were talking crap and their sense of humour was like... ermz... One thing for sure, they didn't sing a lot, and it was OK, cos most of them couldn't sing properly.

I watched the most recent 淘汰赛, and was rather inspired.

The producer Andy ranked all the boys in the first round according to their usual performance. It included the items they usually put up, their attitude during recording and their attitude towards group life. The 2nd round is where the boys put up an item. In that episode, 2 boys who were the 2nd and 3rd last in the 1st round, emerged 2nd and 3rd from the top. They were able to put up a good performance despite the results of the 1st round being shown to them before they showed their performance and were able to take it in their stride to 平反.

All considering that the boys on average were about 18 years old.

At 18 years old, I didn't even get to experience what they went through.

They had to endure harsh, but sincere comments made about their talents and attitudes towards their lives. They had to make time between studies and preparing for the performance, which was perpetual in the show. On screen, when they were taunted by the other boys, they kept their cool. When they were faced with 范范 digging their handphones out and showing their sweet-nothings smses to the world, they kept their cool.

I can't even do that at my present age.

Gosh!

Anyway, just felt that it was actually a very entertaining, yet enriching show, which was the reason why it kept me glued to crunchy roll for so many days in a row... More than a week, in fact. Nice.

Before I go, shall link an episode where they had an inter-show dance competition. This was part 2/2, where the heavyweights in the show fight for the big prize. It started with the later half of the medium-weights, so for those impatient ones, can jump straight into the middle, where A Wei (the last to come out for the heavyweights) showed off his breaking and his signature, anti-gravity windmill acts.

Also must mention momo (NOT me lah...), the Black Spider who was to PK with the winner from the medium and heavyweights. He indeed have a very deep experience in performing arts (just search on www.woo.com.tw), and he was very entertaining in addition to his superb dance acts.

lol

Took 2 days to complete this post, cos couldn't really find that much time to spend on blogging. I'm like shuttling around school everyday to complete tasks. I must say I am quite on time with all of my modules (no over-preparing for them, though), with the exception of my FYP. Super stuck. Don't know why the software wouldn't work for me. Stressed. Super STRESSED.

In addition, I kept wondering about my future, what kind of job I would like to take on, and yet would be able to get into.Was initially worried that my FYP would cause me to be undesirable for employers. But after a while, I felt that FYP was nothing but another thing that is only important if 1) I'm going to be an engineer 2) I am applying to get into big companies. (1) is out, (2) is quite impossible.

Well, I can't be bothered with FYP anymore.

Gonna pontang tomorrow's meeting with FYP students. No use going there with nothing to update and suffer the stares from those other students. Waste 2 hours of my time some more listening to crap I'm not interested in.

lol

Better go and try to complete my C++ lab.

退堂 LiAOz !

谢读者 ! 谢电脑 ! 谢网路 !

2007-10-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

I Grabbed At A Piece of Paper In My Hand

For some time, I didn't speak.

My mind was blank.

I finally let out a sigh...

And under my breath, I told myself,

"I Will SURVIVE."

2007-10-14T00:13:00.000+08:00

S A M M I ~ ! ~ ! ~ !

Almost couldn't reach Indoor Stadium in time, cos either I missed counting one bus stop or the online bus guide was erratic.

But whatever. The show didn't start until like 8.30pm anyway.

1st time I got to know this thing called Premier Entrance. wa... Felt so privileged. Still, cos I didn't know in the 1st place, I went to queue with the 凡夫俗子 upstairs. The premier queue was like: so short.

I was actually quite near to the stage (row EIGHT leh...), but it made me strain my neck a lot. haha... The kind of distance (and what I saw) was kinda like the last time. Meaning, in terms of eye feast, last time was more worth it, cos I paid for the 2nd ex.

Speaking of eye feast, there weren't as many changing of clothes this time round. In fact, those very glam costumes she wore in HK were gone. She changed almost all the costumes. It was like, eh... it was nice to make the concert a bit unique with the change of costumes, but the new costumes were like... bland.

What made up for the loss of eye-feast was the quality of singing. Here singing was definitely better than that from the CD, cos I think while she had 3 months to prepare for her concert in HK, she had plus 5 more months of running and singing at different places before this sg gig.

Her voice was touching. Though I couldn't really understand what she said most of the time, especially those parts before she sang the songs not by her, I could sense the feelings despite the unfamiliarity of the songs.

As for those dance sequence, it was high enough. At least for those sitting at the radius of 8 rows from the stage bah. The atmosphere was so high, I didn't even care if she sang off-tune or what. I didn't even follow if she sang off-tune.

Half way through, her face mic dropped. But she so sportingly picked up the normal mic and started dancing and singing with it spontaneously. Not rehearsed, definitely!

The incident was a blessing, I guess. Cos it allowed her to catch breaths in between, unlike using face mic, when she screamed whenever she felt like it or breathed deeply into the mic. But still, nice.

the closest I could get to her. Darn! I didn't get to even touch her hand...

Yanzi was her special guest. They sang 遇见 together, then Green Light. After which Yanzi took the stage while sammi changed. eh... Yanzi sang english song. So stupid. Most people who like sammi don't really listen to english songs; the demographic of their fan bases, though similar in the love for ballads, is still fundamentally different.

The atmosphere became so awkwardly cold when she sang solo. haiz...

There was also a change of sequence of the songs. She skipped half an hour of songs, from 抱拥这分钟 to I Will Follow Him, which should be the sequence where she was supposed to wear the umbrella costume (which of cos she ended up not wearing lah). What a waste. None of the Tree Costume, no Umbrella Costume... Both of which was an engineering feat (from an engineer's point of view, I knew what material was used, how...). I was so hoping to see them in sg. But well...

Maybe she could not get it through Changi Airport.

Imagine those idiot AETOS taking that out and say, "What is this? Umbrella? But it has a hole, how can you use it when raining? Got lamp? This is too awkard for my M***** mind to take. Maybe this is a terrorist weapon. No, I can't let you take this through. And what is this dress with all the spiky spiky things? Ahhh!!! Got light some more. More of the weapon? Please lah, tomorrow my holiday, don't sabo me, can?"

Oh, the only costume she brought from her HK gig was the ugliest of the show (along with that ugliest wig of the concert...)

Anyways, for what was taken out, she replaced with some random songs at the back. The only chinese song was 出界. So sad. Was actually expecting more chinese songs, at least the mandarin versions of 爱情万岁、默契、放不低.

She didn't come out for encore also. Or perhaps she treated the last part (which I assumed was the make-up for the lost parts) to be encore, cos it felt very casual and on-the-spot. But well.

I just hope that the Shanghai Concert will NOT be better, in terms of costumes, chinese songs and sequence. Like that not very fair, eh...

But like I said, I think her singing quite made up for the shortcomings. She sang better than Shocking Colours, that's for sure ;)

Just that... It was a bit lonely watching her concert alone. It's really a shame none of my friends liked her.

And oh, did I mention that she had VERY good-looking MALE dancers?

Sorry, but they were bigger (body size lah...) and had better defined bodies than the females (including sammi) on stage, it was VERY TOUGH not to notice them. Gosh! All the biceps and they don't look bulky like many body-builders do.

ahaha... no pun intended. I also realize that THIS concert is a shift from her past (especially her 1st: SXL '96) concerts, with all the sexual (abb: sxl) sequence. I mean, for the past, such a picture would mean she would pounce on that dancer in front of her and rub herself (or him), whatever.

Aniwaes, with the white singlets and camou pants, those male dancers looked like PTI. And what a fitting position for PTIs... haha...

ok, the BEST (least blur) photo of one of the better-looking dancers. The one in the foreground lah. haha... the background one look so ah-pek... But come to think of it, the dancers may just only have the biceps, cos the guy looked so... tubular... ie, no traingular bod ==> no abs.

And my tyre is getting bigger... haiz... 龟笑鳖 (Gu Chio Bi)

Let's hope the dancers aren't gay. That will be such a waste (w.r.t like passing the good-looking genes to the next generation. I mean, I do hope that the world has less ugly people.). YAH... I very superficial...

Which brings me to one thing. I saw this plump, short guy consecutively for 2 days in NUS. He stank, had dress sense from the 50s kampong and hairstyle like... the !Kung bushmen. The main point is, for the 2 times I saw him, he was wearing the SAME KAMPONG ATTIRE. That explained the stench emanating from him. Idiot, such people should be wiped off the face of the earth.

I saw him for the 3rd time at ABN talk. He finally changed, yes, though somehow his formal wear looked so... yesterday. Anyways, even if he's a clever bloke, with 2nd upper honours and above, I hope ABN (or what big employers) will get put off with his Kampong lok (AND SMELL).

The end. End of trashing. haha...

I still heart sammi... (gotta link back to the topic, eh hehe...)

2007-10-12T19:24:00.000+08:00

I Learnt U-turn Today

Back in the empty carpark where I learned how to start and stop my car on my 1st day.

Nothing much lah. Everything still the same.

Anyways, going for sammi's concert tomorrow!! The only high this week bah.

2007-10-11T19:42:00.000+08:00

SoC COM1 Has No Toilets

I suppose so. When I was urgent, I couldn't find one. Thankfully I wasn't urgent urgent.

I also realize that my C++ lab tutor looks like Ayumi Hamasaki, except that HE is not Ayumi Hamasaki.

I'm in deep shit for my FYP. No progress whatsoever. SHIT.

I think I should go and die.

No, but of course I won't.

I will rather receive a C for my FYP than die.

Life is not all about results mah.

Cannot go into good, big companies just because they only wanted 2nd upper and above doesn't mean I can't get a job with a decent pay.

Save a little more than everybody each month. Which can be done by spending my weekends studying investment methods instead of spending money away hanging out with friends.

Invest a little more than 1K in PS3 and my whole weekend is guaranteed at home.

2 years later, use the money to do some investments, and continue pumping my savings into those investments.

5 years from now, use the money I earned from investing to start a small company. If it succeeds, well done. If not, I did it, no more regrets. Repeat the previous 2 steps except that I will continue to pump savings into investment.

By 35, must be able to be financially able to dabble in jobs that interest me than jobs that feed me.

Not very ambitious, but is it unrealistic??

oh... I don't foresee myself married in 10 years. What for share my earnings with another person (and possibly more people)??

2007-10-07T10:57:00.000+08:00

Sunday Review 2007 10 07

So much for the leave. Guess I'm still a blogaholic.

Plain week today, preparing for the submission of my lab report, C++ test... and of cos, playing with Facebook.

Went to have a FAT dinner. We had the XO beehoon near Holland V, after which we had coffee at Coffee Club.

There, I made a wish for it to rain. rArAr then wished that I couldn't sleep.

It rained, but I managed to fall asleep. Perhaps it was cos of the alcohol.

rArAr and I took 200 back to our area. On the way, we decided to start training our (ok, MY) alcohol tolerance. After all, part of the requirements to be a trader will be to drink with clients.

So we went to 7-11, studied the alcohol contents and scooted off. We were about to start drinking at the bus stop outside 7-11 when rArAr said: eh... Drinking at the bus stop quite lak-seh leh...

oh...

So we went to PGP, and had a chat-a-drink session outside the mart.

Anyways, the reason why I decided to come up to blog: I wanted to tell a story.

There was once a boy called EmoBoy. Cos he was not that capable/clever, he became very emo. However, he still had some friends, who, despite disliking his emocity, still hang around with him.

While with them, he would join them in complaining about the local Neighbourhood Welfare Council (NWC).

All was well until EmoBoy decided to join NWC, cos he said he could help change the culture at NWC; he wanted to be the voice of the leader. People supported him and succeeded in obtaining a position in the Council.

EmoBoy, however, didn't quite become a People's Voice. In fact, he changed and acted/spoke/made decisions like the previous NWC. Whatever he joined his friends in complaining, he now opposes them.

I have to consider the general good of the NWC, he said. Every little thing counts, down to the single ONE bean we distribute to our friendly neighbours.

But why bother about the ONE bean that dropped onto the ground, when you can spend your time doing more constructive things instead of searching for the ONE bean? His friends will challenge.

EmoBoy ignored them. Because now, being in NWC, there are a lot more people who will suck up to him. Those friends who stuck to him when he was just a plain EmoBoy are no longer important. He thought he was very capable by being able to be part of NWC, so he decided that every nitty-gritty decision he made will be very important.

It IS important to find the ONE bean back, he insisted. All beans distributed should only be used to plant in the fields and NOT a single bean should be consumed.

His friends could not be bothered to argue with him. EmoBoy boy has changed -- for the worse. From EmoBoy, he has become KPBoy (Kiam Pa Boy). Staying around him will induce them to inflict violence on him. So they left him.

So what's the moral of the story?

FUCK YOU, EmoBoy.

2007-10-02T16:21:00.000+08:00

zenov Unveils...

VISION:

To excel at being BHB: Brainy, Himmy and Brawny

MOTTO:

Sight, Tight, Fight!

As he takes leave from this blog for a week (with an option of 3 more weeks) to:

1) Recover from his fever

2) Concentrate on improving his academic work and physical beauty and fitness (as corresponding to his Vision and Motto), and

3) Play with Facebook (damn!), which is zenov ye, btw.

2007-10-01T22:11:00.000+08:00

Post Sunday Review 2007 09 30

Mid-Sem break, but so busy... And yet I didn't accomplish much academically.

Went to celebrate MAF with ZPS gang. Planned a whole string of events, but we ended up eating at Thai Express at Vivo and sitting at its rooftop amphitheater to talk.

Went to JP Morgan Talk. Dunno, somehow, I knew I was just going for those talks for the sake of it. Which big-company will want to hire someone with no honours?? My favourite quote from GATTACA came to mind as I go for these talks from big banks...

"I have never been so far away from my dream than when I was standing right beside it." ~ Vincent, in narration

Although I won't be like what Vincent's father told him (The only way you could get in there is to clean their shuttle), it seems more saddening. Banks won't even want me to work as their clerks cos I'm over-qualified.

Throughout today, I have been thinking over my status, the status of being a "Sandwiched Class of the Academics". I am not so good that I have scholarships and careers planned for me. Neither am I poor enough to go all out and pursue something out of convention.

苦读十六年的书，怎能够为了“梦想”两个字放弃十六年来的努力经营？

I may not be the best, but I'm not that bad.

"I'm better than most, but not as good as some." ~ Irene, to Vincent, GATTACA

That's why it will be crazy to ask me to pursue what I feel like doing most: Creative Writing.

Not to mention that my writing skills is not up to standard, who can survive on just writing stories? Just how many out of the millions of authors out there?

Back to my review, Friday was another day to be scolded by my instructor. We are so off-tune. I never knew when he was referring to present or recent past. haiz... cheap mah...

Went back home on Sunday to 拜拜. Ate and sleep and sleep and sleep... and ate and ate and ate and sleep...

I'm still sleepy now despite all the sleepy bugs I had killed yesterday. Too much accumulated inside me, I guess.

Anyways, xy got me addicted to Facebook. Shit! Spent 4 hours for the past 24 hours playing with it! SHIT!

2007-09-29T00:11:00.001+08:00

One Month

The length of the time I took photos without uploading them.

But well, the Nokia phone camera deteriorated with use. Right now, the quality of photos are not as good they were used to, even under good lighting. lol But I don't suppose one drops his digital camera as much as I hurl my phone about.

The case that saw me through 'O' and 'A' Levels, by holding my form.

Shoes went overhaul with new, bright laces.

How many pairs of shoes can you find? And I still have a pair of 'bathing' slippers outside.

My very repetitive lecturer. He takes the effort to explain in details. Far too much details...

My newly cut hair

The past Monday. Swollen eyes...

Food I bought to tide over my sadness. Got new stuff I never eat before, like the double choc Hello Panda, Seaweed flavour Calbee Potato Chips and the Apollo version of Loackers, Dollie (in blueberry flavour). Khong Guan biscuits were the 'safest buy'. Of all, only the seaweed chips sucked.

Life in false colours

What I face every night as I play with my lappy...

Me 10 minutes ago...

5 hours and 34 minutes later marks the 5th year I am fatherless.

2007-09-28T22:34:00.001+08:00

SPOP

Following xy's recommendation, I decided to give SPOP a try, only to find out the deadline was like: tomorrow. So I quickly abandoned all my matters at hands to record my 'demo'.

haha... So you see me in the homepage?? Apparently, there are like hundreds of submissions.

1st funny thing is right, they never check/state that I used my IC name. So, ya... in goes zenov. muahaha... That's plaeeee-ing with the rules mah. I further bent the rules by submitting a 2nd piece of work, of which the melody is not free from copyright. ie, using an existing melody.

aiyah... I'm dummy to music. My 1st submission was like: I hope they won't die from the melody I came up with... The 2nd one, I know, they will take off/reject. So just put for fun. Who knows right, somebody might want to use my rejected work leh? After all, it's my more confident piece of work.

oh, I realized I accidentally put that I was both the lyricist and composer for my 2nd submission, yet I don't know how to delete that submission. So right now, I have THREE submissions. aiyah... They will remove anyways, so put more for fun... lol

Actually I pity the judges. You see, at least for most part, those applying to join superstars may know how to sing or have good voices. Those who chose to stay behind the scenes... Well, they are either terrible in the looks department, voice or both. The only ones who aren't, well, they have become people like Jay Chou and Lee Hom, ya?

2007-09-28T15:46:00.000+08:00

Driving Hazard

Just back from my driving. After a week's break.

Kena scolded like hell.

Ok, my instructor didn't scream at me, but I was chided every now and then today. Turning sucks. Change gear sucks. Stopping sucks.

haiz...

haiz...

haiz...

2007-09-28T10:54:00.000+08:00

Lousy Dreams

I wanted to blog about something else last night, but I forgot to do it and then by this time, I forgot what I wanted to blog about.

Anyways, was telling yf yesterday about the lousy dreams I had for the past few nights. Though I don't really remember all, my most vivid one was the one where I lost my left leg.

I didn't dream of the process of losing it, but my life without a leg. Going everywhere trying to act strong amidst all the warm and cool responses of people I meet.

That dream didn't last long, and had me waking up some time in the night when the sky was still dark.

Been having such experiences for a few nights now. My dreams were either so short or so tragic that I just woke up before my alarm clock rang.

Last last night, it was so warm that I didn't know if I slept, cos my memory of the night was the repeated opening of my eyes and staring into the blank wall that was opposite my bed. In the morning, I was feeling all groggy with an egging headache. The morning rain didn't provide much respite, considering that I could not laze in my bed in the cool weather cos of my lab session early in the morn.

Was supposed to go for a KTV session with yf, giam and luke. But luke said at the last minute he had no money to spend and giam needed to finish her project. ah... So I called off the outing and spent my time continuing my lab.

I have sorta overhauled my novel. After re-watching the first 10 eps of Jin Zhi Yu Nie (which was like 2 weeks ago), I realized I could enhance my storyline, which I did. Progress has been slow due to all the work I had to fulfill in the academic arena, but I'm still making progress (writing a few paras a day), in inserting a full sequence between the current Chapter 3 and Chapter 4, which is to serve as the whole novel's precursor to the series of events and as a flagship point of the novel's 主题思想.

ie, it's an executive summary to the novel.

I am also wondering whether I should post them online, perhaps as a branch blog. lol cos I doubt the possibility of getting it published in the conventional media (I am truly aware of my own capabilities too). But from the cool response during the last 'soft launch' and the possibility that I will just keep editing the older chapters, an online publishing is just a crazed obsession to feed my ego, ie not practical.

Ya, been reading many Chinese fiction/description articles in order to broaden my capabilities. However, I actually feel less confident about myself after all these research. Chinese writing is so much descriptive; even Sammi's leisure articles in a magazine are peppered with flowery words. On the other hand, I focus on the contents of the story. Meaning, instead of powdering my novel with flowery language and little drama, I am doing the opposite. Attempts to try to up the language portion while maintaining the contents have been tough. I'm just too much a contents person. Ok, I'm not a language person.

Not to mention the sheer 160,000 words already cramped in a mere 20 chapters. The last I heard, a Taiwanese author published a work with only 20,000 words. huh? My novel is now estimated to be 78 chapters long, eh? I'm only 25% through.

It's just like working on an already bohemoth project that is growing as it progresses. arggghhhh!!! When will I finish it??

This project is supposed to be a training ground for me to embark on the actual story I had in mind for years. When will it be realized??

Nothing more...

Been taking some pix lately, but posting them online will be too much of a hassle. So for now, just bear with my wordy entries.

2007-09-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

Being In the Company of Friends...

... Who don't see me with skewed perception is a good respite.

2007-09-24T16:05:00.000+08:00

悲情歌

悲情的歌，只有在悲伤的时候才有感觉。

原来

这世上有那么多悲伤的人。

但是，悲情的歌往往都是写给在爱情受伤的人。

所以

有些歌

我加了自己的想法。

《我要快乐》

怎么又绕了一圈？

静静地数着伤痕

每个脆弱的人

是否像我？都假装快乐

我并不是天生爱寂寞

却比任何人都多

就算把世界给我

我还是一无所有

我要快乐我要能睡得安稳

有些人不抱了才温暖伤害了才不恨

我不是这种人

我要快乐

哪怕笑得再大声

心不是热的全都是假的

只有眼泪是真的

想解释我的认真

何必呢？谁会懂得

想做乐观的人

每种雨声听了都不冷

《路太弯》

我在这里计算终点地距离
下一站有没有更期待的结局

眼闭上眼看不看得见过去
看不看得见理想的自己
和幸福的关系

路太弯梦在转
错过的人已不在
最后我只习惯一个人的安全感

路太弯爱在转
明知忘记会很难
我一路上跌跌撞撞
却找不到拥抱的形状
（却只找到拥抱的遗憾）

付出过是不是就换得回希望
呼吸太乱世界太宽缘份毕竟太短

《鱼在水里哭》

鱼在水里哭
我握着你的手说
鱼在水里哭
你笑着说别傻了
鱼并不会哭
它们是一种没有眼泪的动物

树在雨里哭
我抬头看着你说
树在雨里哭
你温柔看着我说
树并不会哭
它们是没有思想情感的植物

我突然的无助
没有眼泪的悲伤没有人清楚
只能呼吸着不被了解的孤独
一个人静静祈祷一切会结束

我矛盾着无助
很需要你能给我一点点保护
想对你说的话却总说不出
我变成了植物

没有人在哭
你摸着我的头说
没有人在哭

我在哭
只是没有人在乎

2007-09-23T21:16:00.000+08:00

Sunday Review 23 09 2007:
If Only I Can Just Love Myself Forever

My world is all about me, I know.

Had a talk with rArAr, when we dwelt on this age-old topic. It's a fact that I know that my world is only as big as it can hold me, but the problem is how I can accommodate others or be comfortable at being all by myself.

I am not comfortable at being by myself, so I sought to widen my world. I tried to ask people out, get involved in other people's circle and I still felt I was left out. Perhaps it was them, being reluctant to let me in (rejecting me or not being attentive), or it could just be plain me finding hard to adjust to people.

I guess it was just me.

Came home for the weekend.

I don't know for other people, but coming home is a big sacrifice for me. Considering how I can't work at home, I am basically wasting a minimum of 50 precious hours for studying, just for the weekend home. Not to mention all the accommodations I had to make by pushing ahead/behind my laundry, cleaning of the house, grooming, etc.

All these ate into my precious hours, which I find increasingly scarce, as I lag behind in tutorials, get chided by my profs for being ignorant about my FYP.

It's all about my sacrifice.

But my mum decided that I was heartless to go home only once every fortnight.

Fine.

I thought that I did my best to sacrifice all the time to be home. She can be unhappy and all, but I did my part. I could have just come home once a month.

Never mind. I never decided to be stingy on that. Since I made the decision to make such a sacrifice, then I shouldn't grumble.

Then for today, my mum was sick. She didn't buy breakfast, so I had to eat maggi mee. I went out, and rushed home for dinner, since well, going back home means being present for dinner. All I got was chap chye rice, with stuff that I don't eat. I had to resort to eating maggi mee again.

Being me (and all about myself), my face turned black.

And everybody chided me for being so picky. Throwing my tantrums for nothing. Acting like a prince.

At that point of time, I just felt like crying.

Everyday for the past 2 weeks, I lived on maggi mee for dinner. For weekends, it's almost like eating maggi mee for the whole day. I thought I would be able to have better food when I'm back home, and yet I ended up with the same fate.

Is it really so bad to ask for better food?

I don't really know why I am always in the wrong for putting myself before everyone. But if I were to NOT put myself in the 1st place, there will never be someone to love me as much and as well as I do for myself.

Is it really so much to love myself?

I am so stressed by my life.

I can't believe I am crying right now over maggi mee for dinner.

But I am crying.

But who cares?

Except for me??

2007-09-18T00:25:00.000+08:00

I Just Wanna Blog

I think there's something wrong with me.

First, I'm writing a novel on army.

Then, my electronic gaming group decides to develop a based-on-The-Sims army game.

You see, we were very high on the idea. In fact, we believed it will be a fun game, cos, well, it doesn't dwell on the propaganda part of serving the army.

One of the fundamentals of the game is that, when you start a game and customize your character, you get to choose to go on a chao keng path or a garang path.

Not fun meh?

Instead of magical wands and potions, you buy and sell duties and MCs (for the chao keng path) or you focus on passing all the IPPT shit by training your stamina through those mini-games, which, well, includes games like Bejeweled.

Not fun meh?

ah boy said it was not fun. She won't even pick up the game when she sees the title.

Shit...

We gotta change game idea le...

The lecturer was right. Usually the game developers become so engrossed that they didn't realize some stuff just don't appeal... lol

Aniwaes, it's a good module, I recommend to everyone. It's open to non-engin students. You learn how to develop a game, NOT in terms of programming, but the business/management part. Every week, the lecturer tries to find industry speakers to talk to us.

The most impressionable ones are Chris Thompson from EA Games, General Manager of Asia and Rick (something) from LucasFilms.

But too bad they mainly want programmers.

ah... Crap also got limit.

The limit's up today.

Nightz.

Or Morningz!

2007-09-16T10:07:00.000+08:00

Sunday Review 2007 09 16

ah... In school, in library, but BLOGGING??

Usually, blogging will be the last of activities I'll do online. haha... which means...

Rained early morning, which made me really want to cuddle up in bed. But I decided that coming to library, wasting 4 hrs and doing 2 hrs of work beats wasting all 6 hrs of them lol

It rained again while I was at the bus stop, so I was trapped, awaiting for the bus. You see, given the kind of timings A1 and A2 operates on Sundays, I could have walked and reached my destination at the point of time when I stepped onto the bus when it finally came. What was more, I had to contend with waiting for A2 cos it was raining; A1 would render me outside the CL, which had no shelter at all.

Had breakfast at Mac's. On Sundays, with the PGP canteen out of my list of edible places, Mac's, BK and Subway are my only choices. Mac's the best, cos it's the cheapest, plus I can accumulate my mac points, which can help me during times of famine.

Canceled 2 outings this week, due to the overloading of my FYP and C++. ah... I can't finish my lab this week, cos I can't figure out the right algorithm to solve the problem. Shit... It's not a matter of No Time, but a matter of No Brain...

FYP was darned too. Kena suaned by my prof. But I guess it beats him giving me the silent treatment last week. haiz...

Friday has become one of my dreaded days. Not only do I have to face my prof, I have to endure the niao-ing of my driving instructor. I learned turning. He let me do so many times -- SO MANY TIMES -- before telling me that I was doing it all wrong. wa lao... It's a mismatch of expectations, I guess. I'm too used to the spoonfeeding education system. He gotta tell me what to do before I can do it right. People like me can't figure out the right way to do stuff (if there is a right way). What's more, I do not have friends/relatives whom I can borrow their cars for illegal training. He was always giving me that shocked look when I answered him that I never drove in a car before.

Anyways, my poor performance has got to do with my short attention span too. Early on in the lesson, I could concentrate very well. I could change gears without the car jumping, I could start the car on slope and remember to on/off signals on time. But as time went by, I became drained. "AH~~!!!" kept coming out of my mouth as I swerved back to my lane to avoid a crash when the car wandered off with my mind; when I forgot to release the handbrake when starting on slope, when I couldn't make a turn in time, or accidentally released the clutch and stranding ourselves in the middle of the road.

Driving is tough.

I guess, in future, when I start driving, I will hafta have this timer which will remind me to go take a toilet break every half an hour of driving. In the meantime, I am considering whether I should drink red bull before my lessons every time.

But I foresee I will have an easier time when I get my license. One of the reason why my concentration was sapped was due to the many, many, many procedures involved in driving a manual car. I am always hesitant on turning, cos I was afraid that by the time I was ready to start moving, another car would have come along the way.

Guess after being an 'elite' student for so long, it's really not easy for me to take scoldings from an instructor. Even in BMT, I avoided all verbal abuse by staying low profile. This time, one-to-one, how to siam??

Went to BBDC to open an account so my instructor can book a test date for me. The customer service officers hanging around to 'help' weren't friendly at all. The centre was sucking money. Now I know why private candidates can only book a practical test more than 1/2 year later. This was so we have to extend our half-yr membership and pay them extra. And also, it meant that my payment for the 1st half yr of membership will be for nothing.

Idiots...

Went for the Merill Lynch Talk. For the fun of it. I know they wouldn't hire someone like me, though they didn't say outwardly. I mean, with such a big name, they have their choices of big students with far cleaner profiles than me, ya?

Life.

I'm too good for diploma positions and too lousy for degree work. Perhaps I should have gone on to poly and be one of their top students AND get employed as a small fish in a big company, ya?

Talk... All talk...

I really didn't do anything (again) this week. Except for the KTV on Tuesday. Nothing much.

oh... Please don't let your thoughts run wild and dwell on the fact that I sang with G alone. You see, this may make her admirer(s) flustered (IF there is one), and who knows, he may just silence me while I am in my room. I still wanna get my degree, no matter how lousy it is, ok?

THANK GOODNESS he does not know where I stay exactly... If I get murdered, I'll haunt those who had been to my room before...

2007-09-14T21:38:00.000+08:00

I Really Dunno What To Blog

aiyoh...

I don't know if it's the blogger's block or my fatigue.

Guess what? The other day, I was calculating how much sleep I have on an average day and to my surprise, I only slept 6 hrs a day. Far from the 8 hours I thought I had (and need)!!

Turned out that I always thought I slept at 11pm (which was my planned bed time), when in actual fact, I always end up hitting the sack after 1pm.

So that was how my sleepiness came.

Well, apart from the sleepy bug, people seemed to be drawn by me. Months ago, I ate at the LJS at Central Mall, cos I wanted a peaceful place to rest my mind before I started writing. There was only 2 customers at that time.

During the 15 min I was eating there, 14 people came and 12 of them settled in the small restaurant.

Last weekend, while at Carrefour with xy, I wanted to tell her a gossip, so I sought 1 people-less corner. In seconds, tonnes of people flooded the small area in front of the counter.

Just now, I went to fill my water bottles at the common water dispenser. My 1st bottle was cold, meaning there was a period of time when no one filled water before me. One guy came to queue up behind me when I was filling my 2nd bottle. By the time I finished my 3rd, I had 4 people behind me.

I'm charming, I know.

But my hair isn't getting redder.

People keep saying: Your hair is so RED!!! Your hair is redder than last week?

But... My hair colour is dulling. And my peakest of red was during last year's E3.

haiz...

2007-09-09T19:14:00.000+08:00

Sunday Review 2007 09 09

hmmmm...

Still nothing interesting to review...

Had my 2nd driving lesson. Got scolded a few times by my instructor. A few times for driving too fast (than what is required of a beginner like me) and a few times for stopping too slowly.

I don't really know the reason for those mistakes (Maybe I was an F1 racer in my previous life). One thing was that I was in a very tired/headache state (I ended it when my car crashed and I crushed my head against the windscreen). It was not that I didn't sleep enough. It was just that my sleep hadn't been satisfying. I wake up everyday with a very sore neck and a throbbing headache. haiz...

But for the stopping mistake, I guess it was a 2-way misunderstanding bah. I understand that he has a brake pedal on his side, and he always step on the brake pedal when he thought I wasn't stopping in time.

At the same time, I was heeding his advice of NOT stepping too hard on the brake pedal. It can be that I was stepping too softly for the car to react, which rendered him to chap-ji-ka. But since I didn't realize at that time that he was doing that, it never occurred to me that I was stepping on the pedal too softly, and hence my mistake.

But well...

Just like what he said, a lot of times, driving is about feelings. For me, a lot of times, I was so busy starting the car and changing gears that I didn't check the mirrors lol But I still believe that given enough time, and practice, all the complex moves will be easy for me and I will be able to focus on the safety aspect bah.

And I SWEAR that I will never try to irritate whoever is driving me. Driving is sure tough!

Then I met my prof. It's a long story. Let's just say that I left the place feeling VERY DEPRESSED. A bit lost, a bit stressed.

I don't know whether my bad memory do me good by allowing me to let go of the bad feelings in 2 days' time, cos I lost the motivation to do good as well...

Watched No Reservations with xy on Saturday. Was supposed to watch License to Wed, which was a comedy. hmmm... Let's say the show goes along the line of As Good As It Gets.

Spent Sunday lazing around.

Nothing more to say lol

I love my life.

My life's going to get better.

I will work towards my short-term goals.

I WILL.

2007-09-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

ZPS Cooking Session

We met up again for our 2nd session of ravaging the kitchen.

And we scaled down our goals in order for them to be attainable.

In fact, we were so scaled down, we just had plain pasta with ham. ~~The gals refused to add veg to the meals.~~

And they instead, bought a bottle of sparkling juice. 1000ml of carbs...

But I'm just as bad. I didn't stop them.

stuff

Anyways, we just cooked lor. Boiled the pasta, heated the sauce and stirred everything together. Ok lah, at least it's easy in theory.

soup

pasta

We decided that the pasta would not be nice if we left it to cool, so we threw our tasks at hand and went into devouring the pasta (and the soup that looked like...).

And then, we (or rather, Fred) went on to fry the egg. He was so good, everyone was awed.

fred w his masterpiece

scrambled egg

Maybe next time, we should add cheese on top. And some ham and pineapple. We'll have our own ZPizzaS.

dessert

Then, it was time to savour the sparkling juice and the pudding. The pudding was supposed to be a 90Cal pudding, which ended up tasting like 900Cal. lol

After dinner, we had so much time left that we stayed in my room to play with my coin box. Funny. They were so amazed by the mechanism.

And then, we decided to go to jing's place to play board games, cos SHE FORGOT TO BRING ONE even though we tasked her with that.

died...

died 2...

We played Hotel. I ended up bankrupt. But not after jing did. Our counters were put on top of the properties we once owned by the winners...

winners

losers...

2007-09-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

Run!

I went for a 1.5-hr run.

It's not a ROMPers run, which lasted 1 hr, but only had me running for 30 min.

It was 40 min-run, 20-min walk and 30 min run.

Ok lah, it's jog. If I ran, I wouldn't have lasted so long.

So, giam is very admirable for running for so long at her upper limit.

Too bad, she ran with 2 guys. Of cos she kena bullied lol

We took to the Pasir Panjang Road and ran to the Mac's at West Coast Park. Then, we walked around the park, stopping to admire the night scene, and then went on to run back via West Coast Highway.

If giam hadn't jio-ed me, I'd have shelved my plans to run today.

Thanks.

I vow to continue to tekan her.

2007-09-03T22:35:00.000+08:00

(Post) Sunday Review 2007 09 02

haha... Forgot about my weekly. Anyways, there wasn't much to talk about too. Well, my life has been all about myself only mah...

eh.. cham... Really got nothing fresh to say about my past week.

Well, I shall grumble then.

Was supposed to have 2 movie outings, but 1 pulled out at the last minute (not last min lah, should be last hour), the other was cos the time slots were inconvenient for us (actually I was free all day, it's the other party who had other activities... *sulk*).

That's the downside of not having my own significant other bah... No one who will accompany me any time I want (perhaps even till the extent of wishing she is gone... haha...). But those were the only times when I felt the blow of loneliness hitting heavily on me.

Coincidentally, I saw this article in the newspaper, where this 22-yo woman talked about how her friends were getting married and (to a not-so-fatal extent) bragging about their happiness. They were like asking her why she wasn't hitched.

And I agreed with her that finding a significant other isn't just like buying stuff off the streets. Even detailed research before a purchase won't ensure 100% customer satisfaction, not to mention someone you have to stick to for the rest of the life, right?

If somebody ever tell me how happy they are and ask me why I am not like them, I will spend my next SEVEN days cursing for his/her relationship to end up on the rocks.

Smack right in the middle of the Pacific Ocean too.

Help will be TOO FAR AWAY.

Of cos, I'm not all bad too, and I definitely was making up for it: Eating non-meat, low-carb meals for FOUR days last week. At least I'm 4 days holier now. I spared a lot of animals, and some plants from the fate of traveling down the sewers with peers equally smelly.

Sunday, had a meet-up with ZPS gang. Funny thing was only xy replied my reminder. But they were all late, till the extent that, due to the trauma from the past week, I was so afraid that I would be left waiting in the mall alone, only to receive phone calls consecutively to tell me I will need to wait for no one.

Now, that would be SAD.

I nearly cried.

Guess I had a rather depressing week all by myself bah.

Still, the meet-up turned out all right, and I had a smashing good time. It seems all the week's goodness condensed into 7 hours.

Anyways, it's Monday today. I received several shocking news today. One was when I was alone (and it left me quite dazed), and one after a chirpy meet-up with fellow PGP-ians.

Cheer up, dude!

You have a life to lead!!

2007-08-31T18:54:00.000+08:00

DD3 & DD4

DD3:

Breakfast -- Yong Tau Foo
Lunch -- 1x Honeydew + Mixed Veg Rice (Bittergourd, Curry Veg, Tofu)
Dinner -- Tom Yam Vege Cup Noodles
Supper -- Biscuits + Milk

DD4:

LAST DAY!!!

Breakfast -- Economic Noodle (with Egg)
Lunch -- Mixed Veg Rice (Xiao Bai Cai, Long Beans, Tofu, Tau Kwa)
Dinner -- Mixed Veg Rice (Xiao Bai Cai, Egg, Tofu, Long Beans)

I thought I sinned with the breakfast (choosing the oiliest food before me, cos it's the only option that allowed me to choose non-meat food). But I was still suffering from a mid-tier diarrhoeoa after my dinner the night before, so I had to rush to toilet only after grabbing a few bites. ya... I threw the rest away (how I know if the birds added ingredients for me??).

Last day! yes! But it's not as if I'm going to buy a chicken wing and wait for the clock to strike at midnight and gorge on it. Nope, just that tomorrow, I can include some meat in my breakfast le =) I don't really know how I am going to reward myself tomorrow (which I slated as a go-out-reward-myself day).

But due to a combination of the diarrhoea and the days of semi-fasting, I actually wasn't tempted anymore when people walk by me with the buttery-aroma of pastries or eat sweet and sour fish. I hope it will continue for some time bah...

Frankly speaking, I do feel better after my zentox. I started out cos I felt very lethargic, falling asleep in class, falling into daze while walking, walking into ~~vehicles~~ wrong turns and not being able to wake up on time in the morning.

The difference now?

I feel more awake in classes, able to focus better and I actually managed to attend the 8am lecture this morning after 3 weeks!!! Though I still made some blunder every now and then, I feel much awake.

I really hope as much toxins and possible were gone with the diarrhoea.

Nice =)

2007-08-29T21:30:00.000+08:00

DD 2

Today's DT isn't that DT...

Had mee siam (with added curry veg) for breakfast. Not very healthy (all the coconut milk), and I broke Rule 2. haiz... But generally, the I thought that it should be OK.

It wasn't quite OK when afternoon came around. My mind was ALL ABOUT FOOD!!! Actually, the thought process started with wondering what I could eat for lunch that will be DT-y. I ended up going through all the stalls I remember in NUS to filter whatever I could.

Turned out NUS isn't really a good place to be in when one is on DT... lol

But I ended up eating just a papaya and honeydew for lunch.

For dinner, I bought a Tom Yam Veg Cup Noodles. Again, broke Rule 2, but still stuck to Rule 1. The decision was cos, yesterday, after a whole day of DT, I thought I felt quite weak (I don't know if I really was or if it was psychological). But I was like shivering despite switching off all fans in my room.

Thought right, for DT to work (with me still alive), I should take in enough calories so that my metabolic rate won't drop till a point my body is turning to hibernation mode.

So...

And had a packet of choc milk ;)

But considering how I loaded myself today with carbs, I can go on a more DT DT tomorrow.

Shall see how... lol

2007-08-28T15:20:00.000+08:00

De-tox Day 1 (DD1)

Had the idea of going de-toxing halfway through yesterday, when I felt very sleep and lethargic, which I assumed was cos of all the toxins building up inside me.

But, like my zenov's Improved Atkin's Diet, my De-tox *zen plan isn't very de-toxing. Still, I made the following rules:

1) No meat
2) Low Carb
3) Low Fat
4) Meat-substitutes: Tofu, milk and egg whites
5) Packaged fruit juices allowed
6) Coffee allowed
7) Ends on Friday, 31 Aug 2007

Which means I will be a totally NEW person when the September starts!

Here's an update on my food-intake:

Tong Tau Foo Soup for breakfast, which included (8 items): 2 stalks of veg, 1 cabbage, 1 carrot, 2 mushrooms, 1 tau-pok and 1 tofu. Black coffee included, at 8.30am.

That lasted me till 2pm (started to feel hungry only at 1pm), when I went to clubroom and ate biscuits. A bit breaking of Rule 2, cos biscuits are high in carbs. But it's going to be the only rule I'll break today =)

Dinner at 6pm, 1 papaya and 2 honeydew, with plain water.

Supper at 9pm, 2 packets of julie biscuits and 1 packet of Daisy chocolate milk.

If I can't wake up tomorrow, I'll revert to normal eating. haha...

2007-08-26T22:04:00.000+08:00

The Line at Shangri La

Went to have a pre-birthday dinner for my mum. Chose a super ex (ok, not super super, but rather super) place to eat, which is at The Line, Shangri La.

Yep, my first time at Shangri La (I never even set foot on the one at Sentosa), not to say The Line.

It's funny that most hotels are turning their in-house buffet-place into Manhatten-style, clean, zen, chic look. Like The Carousel we went earlier this year. hehe... My impression of Shangri La is this grand, old Broadway kind of place, and expected their dining to be tuned to those orange-y lights with victorian style settings.

Anyways, the thing I like about the place is that it has my favourite colour, ORANGE!!! All over the place! The place mats, the light-holders... All in bold orange that is so... yummy =)

oh... the place mat's supposed to be ORANGE, but it turned out pink in the camera. aiyah... phone camera mah...

Food wise, ok lor. I mean, it tasted better than those 30-something buffet. Except that for someone like me who don't like to eat sashimi/raw food that those people say are definite-eats in order not to loogie... I am wasting the money.

But the ee-fu noodles are superb. The prawns are very tangy. Not just the plain prawn with asparagus, but also the prawns in the har-kao and siew mai. I mean, for those 30-something buffets, their siew mais and har kaos were just shrimps wrapped in starch as thick as the Earth's crust. Their ice creams were good, mainly cos the ice-creams were not exposed to mishandling by children. Instead, you go up to the counter and ask for your flavours like what you do outside.

The desserts (which I mainly attacked) were good. The tiramisu was so-so, but the chocolate mousse cake was... HEAVENLY SINFUL. Too bad my stomach was so full I could only take like a small slice. There was also this red substance that had alcohol in it. It was the only dessert with no sugar over-dose, but the alcohol made me had reactions. Allergic reactions, I mean.

haha...

the only reason why I take fondue is that I get to decorate the plate and take pix of it. I don't like the chocolate that most fondues come with, cos it is too heaty. I think those people are trying to deter people from over-eating expensive choc.

And speaking about reactions, there was this woman whom had the whole table in discussion: Did she wear? Or did she not? I was wondering how she could keep the shape when all she did was to button ONE button of her jacker-shirt, at the crucial point. Maybe she wearing Nubra.

Actually, my sis and I had this little discussion of what is 'worth it' when one goes for a buffet (especially one as ex as this).

Most sg-eans will postulate that the bucks will only be worth paying for if one eats the seafood. I think, I will consider my buffet to be worth it if I get to eat a lot of my favourite food, cooked delicately.

Of cos, the winner will be those who happened to like seafood, and raw. But frankly speaking, how many people eat raw food?

Most people claimed to eat raw seafood, only cos they were at buffet. They forced themselves to eat those (when their favourite food is perhaps the garlic roast chicken) with the goal of making everything 'worth it'.

But well...

For me, I like dim sum.

But decent dim sum usually costs a bomb. Even not so decent siew mai at a food court costs like $0.60 per pc. Considering that I get to eat my favourite siew mai till I vomit, and with such good standards, I think the money is worth it.

My left still looks better...

I also get to eat nice har kaos, ee-fu noodles and lots of dessert. In terms of paying for the food, maybe I only ate half of what I paid for. But the quality made up another quarter, and the service, those waiters who folds your napkins while you are away, tops up your glasses without you chasing after them, clears the plates when you are away (and not while you are at the table), do not block the way (perhaps it's also cos the place was spacious) filled in the rest.

I am one who goes for quality, not quantity. And despite that, I still think I loaded quite a lot of calories (think of those carbs from the ee-fu noodles!!!)